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COPCRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 

BY 

CHARLES BARNARD AND NEIL BURGESS 




SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New York 



BILLETED. 

A comedy in 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 males, 
5 females. One easy interior scene. A charming comedy, constructed 
witli uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines. Margaret Anglin's 
b^ success. Amateurs will find this comedy easy to produce and popular 
with all audiences. Price, 60 Cents. 

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. 

A comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 fema!es. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Two interior scenes. Plays 2J^ hours. 

Is it possible to tell the absolute truth — even for twenty-four hours? It is— 
at least Bob Bennett, the hero of "Nothing But the Truth," accomplished the 
feat. The bet he made with his business partners, and the trouble he got into>- 
with his partners, his friends, and his fiancee— this is the subject of William 
Collier's tremendous comedy hit. "Nothing But the Truth" can be whole-heartedly 
recommended as one of the most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies that 
this country can boast. Price, 00 Cents. 

IN WALKED JIMMY. 

A comedy in 4 acts, by Minnie Z. Jaffa. 10 males, 2 females (although 
any number of males and females may be used as clerks, etc.) Two 
interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Plays 2J^ hours. The thing into 
which Jimmy walked was a broken-down shoe factory, when the clerks 
had all been fired^ and when the proprietor was in serious contemplation 
of suicide. 

Jimmy, nothing else but plain Jimmy, would have been a mysterious figure 
had it not been for his matter-of-fact manner, his smile and his everlasting 
humanness. He put the shoe business on its feet, won the heart of the gin 
clerk, saved her erring brother from jail, escaped that place as a permanent 
boarding house himself, and foiled the villain. 

Clean, wholesome comedy with just a touch of human nature, just a dash of 
excitement and more than a little bit of true philosophy make "In Walked Jimmy" 
one of the most delightful of plays. Jimmy is full of the religion of life, the 
religion of happiness and the religion of helpfulness, and he so permeates the 
atmosphere with his "religion" that everyone is happy. The spirit of optimism, 

good cheer, and hearty laughter dominates the play. There' 18 not a dull moment 
I any of the four acts. We strongly resommend it. Price, CO Centi. 

MARTHA BY-THE-DAY. 

An optimistic comedy in three acts, by Julie M. Lippmann, author of 
the "Martha" stories. 5 males, 5 females. Three interior scenes. Cos- 
tumes modern. Plays, 2^ hours. 

It is altogether a gentle thing, this play. It is full of quaint humor, old- 
fashioned, homely sentiment, the kind that people who see the play will recall 
and chuckle over tomorrow and the next day. 

Miss Lippmann has herself adapted her very successful book for stage service, 
and in doing this has selected from her novel the most telling incidents, infectious 
comedy and homely sentiment for the play, and the result is thoroughly delightful. 

Price, 60 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalo^e Mailed Free on Request 



The County Fair ^los- 



i^rys 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS 



By 
CHARLES BARNARD and NEIL BURGESS 



Revised, 1931, by Neilson Burgess 
Copyright, 1921, by Neilson Burgess 
Copyright, 1922, by Neilson Burgess 

All Rights Reserved 

CAUTION. — Professional and amateurs are hereby warned 
that "THE COUNTY FAIR," being fully protected 
under the copyright laws of the United States and Great 
Britain, is subject to a royalty and anyone presenting the 
play without the consent of the owner or his authorized 
agents will be liable to the penalties by law provided. 
Application for professional and amateur acting rights 
must be made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street, 
New York. 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 

- I '^ ?L a. 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 






^^^ 



\ 



Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book without a valid contract for production first 
having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play 
publicly or in private for gain or charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only, and no performance, representation, produc- 
tion, recitation, or public reading may be given except by 
special arrangement with Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th 
Street, New York. 

This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment 
of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each perform- 
ance, payable to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street, 
New York, one week before the date when the play is 
given. 

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the 
play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
French of New York." 

Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for 
any infringement of. the author's rights, as follows. 

"Section 4966: — Any person publicly performing or rep- 
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his 
heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, 
such damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not 
less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dol- 
lars for every subsequent performance, as to the court 
shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and 
representation be wilful and for profit, such person or 
persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon con- 
viction shall be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one 
year."— U, S, Revised Statutes : Title 60, Chap, 3, 



01.0 (;,'nj5 



. ■ ■ ■ ' .+■' 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Abigail Prue_, prim, prudish and practical. 

Otis Tucker. 

Sallie Greenaway. 

Joel Bartlett, 

Solon Hammerhead. 

Tim. 

Taggs. 

Bill Parker. 

Cold Molasses. 

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 

ACT I 

The living room at Rock Botton Farm. 
Time : The edge of the evening late in March. 
Music at rise, ''Sally in Our Alley." 

ACT II 

Front yard of Miss Prue's house, showing a flower 
garden, porch to house, garden fence and gate. 

ACT III 

Interior of barn with cow in stall right. Stall left 
for horse. Music at rise, gallop. Tim enters on 
horseback. Taggs discovered on with milk-pail. 

ACT IV 

County Fair grounds. Usual gathering. 
3 




Neil Burgess as Abigal Prue in the County Fair 



The County Fair 



ACT J 

Scene: Living room at Rock Botton Farm. As 
curtain rises, enter Sally Greenaway, r.u.e. 

Sally. Well, I shall be glad when this sugar- 
making is finished. It's just the weather for it, 
though. (Takes off wraps and hangs on peg L. win- 
dow.) My stars, how late it is and the fire almost 
out. (Calling) Joel, Joel, you may bring me in some 
wood just as quick as you're a mind to. Miss Abby 
will be home before we know it and she'll be cold 
and hungry. Goodness knows if there is anything 
in the house to eat. 

(Enter Joel with armful of wood, r.u.e. j 

Joel. Golly, but it's cold. (Throws wood on 
fire.) 

Sally. Now, Joel Bartlett, you kept me so long 
at the barn helping to unharness the horse you must 
lend a hand at setting the table. Miss Abby will be 
here in a minute and wonder what we've been doing. 
(Comes to cupboard down r. of table R.j 

Joel. (Crosses to left fable — crosses to c.) If 
she says a word about our being so long, I'll tell her 
you — (Sally sets table; cloth from cupboard) — 
made such desperate love to me all the way home 

5 



6 THE COUNTY FAIR 

that I couldn't drive straight. (Funny business with 
tablecloth. Sally tries to put it on table. Joel pre- 
vents her.) 

Sally, (r.) Why, Joel Bartlett, you never 
touched the reins all the way home ! 

Joel, (l.) Didn't I do my best to keep you from 
falling out of the sleigh? 

Sally. You couldn't have blamed me much if I 
had jumped out, the way you carried on. 

Joel. There was not much danger of you jump- 
ing out, Sally. (Pulling at the tablecloth.) 

Sally. Oh, let it alone, please. (Slaps Jqel^'s 
face.) I can do it better myself. You're acting 
like all possessed, to-night. (Puts plates, etc., on the 
table.) 

Joel. I say, Sally, didn't everybody seem to have 
a nice time up at the sugaring? All the folks were 
there, everybody from Uncle Silas Bailey's family, 

Anna Maria Perkins, Sarah Jane Wilkins (Sits 

in chair L. of table R.) 

Sally. And all the folks from Hogback Way. 
('Sally passes round to l. of table with armful of 
plates and Joel catches her and pulls her down on 
his knees.) 

Joel. I say, Sally, why can't we go on sugaring 
all our lives ? 

Sally. (Struggling) Let me alone, Joel Bart- 
lett, or I'll drop these plates. 

Joel. Tell me quick then, Sally, is it sugar or no 
sugar ? 

Sally. Oh, I don't know. 

Joel. Tell me, Sally, is it sugar? 

Sally. I suppose it is. 

Joel. Forever, Sally? 

Sally. Yes, forever. Qoel kisses Sally.j 

(At that moment — enter Abby and Taggs.J 



THE COUNTY FAIR 7 

Abby. (Enters r.u.e. zvith Taggs following) 
Joel Bartlett! What are you doing? f Sally and 
Joel both jump to their feet in confusion. Sally 
puts plates on the table.) 

Joel. (Confused.) I was trying to encourage 
Sally a little. (Sally and Joel assist Abby to re- 
move wraps during speech and Joel hangs them on 
pegs.) 

Abby. Well, Joel Bartlett, if anybody needs en- 
couraging on this farm, I do. 'Twas the accident- 
alist kind of an accident that led me up to The Cor- 
ners to-day. (Crosses to bureau.) Hadn't been to 
the store for more than an age. When I got there, 
all the folks were standing around talking to this 
child. fJoEL puts lamp from mantle on table.) She 
was doing her best to find out where I lived. Tried 
to talk to her driving home, but she was so cold she 
most froze. (During speech Abby arranges hair at 
glass and puts on white apron.) 

Joel, Where did you get her, Miss Abby ? (Ex- 
amining Taggs at fireplace.) 

Sally. (Examining Taggs .J Whose child is 
she, and where did she come from? 

Abby. (Comes c.) All I know is here she is and 
here she has got to stay for to-night, anyway. 

Taggs. (Been warming hands at fire.) To-night, 
ma'am, is that all? (Turns to Miss Abby.J 

Abby. (Crosses to c.r. Sally c. Joel c.l.J Oh, 
you have thawed out, have you ? Why, bless me, how 
long did you expect to stay? 

Taggs. Why, Mrs. Wilson at the mission said, 
oh, I forgot — here is a letter. (Gives letter to 
Abby.J 

^Abby takes Taggs by the wrist and passes her over 
to Sally, zvho takes her into kitchen l.u.e.J 



8 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. Sally, take her into the kitchen anl let her 
wash her face and hands ; she don't look as though 
she was on speaking- terms with soap and water. 
Joel, find my glasses, I believe those glasses have 
got legs. They are never where I put them. (Look- 
ing on table l..) 

(Exit Sally and Taggs.J 

Joel. (Looks for glasses and finally discovers 
them on mantelpiece over fire.) There they are, 
Miss Abby. (Gets glasses — Abby comes c.) 

(Enter Sally from kitchen and picks up letter from 
table.) 

Sally, (l.) I wonder who it's from, Joel? 

Joel, (r.) Ain't got no postmark on it. 

Abby. (c. Snatches letter from Joel J If we'd 
read it, I suppose we'd know all about it. Now, if 
that child is what we call poor-house help, I'll pack 
her off to home. Goodness knows I have got enough 

to do to see to you two (Crosses and sits l. 

of table R. Reads letter.) 

"Children's Mission, New York City, March 29. 

"Dear Miss Abby :" Turn that lamp up ! (Joel 
turns up lamp on table r.) "It is now some years 
since I wrote you, but I have not forgotten you and 
I have always kept up the search for your sister's 
lost child." Poor Mercy. "As I told you before, 
no trace of the child could be found after she was 
thrown on the streets by the arrest of Mother Mor- 
ton ; I feel sure she must have been found by some 
institution and is by this time in some good Christian 
home." I certainly trust and pray she is. Oh, my, 
you don't imagine she is in State's Prison ? 



THE COUNTY FAIR 9 

Joel. (r. of table) An institution isn't State's 
Prison, Miss Abby — it's a place where they send 
folks 

Abby. (c. Seated) An institution is a place 
where they send folks, of course. Well, ain't 
State's Prison where they send folks? Joel Bart- 
lett, talk about your education. You've been two 
years in that cemetery and don't know nothing. 

Now I've lost my place Oh, yes, "in some good 

Christian home." 

Sally, (c.) I am sure. Miss Abby. I have al- 
ways felt so. 

Abby. "Just at present, we have more children 
than we can find homes for, and I venture to send 
this child to you." Great suds and seeds! What- 
ever made them think I wanted children ? I'm glad 
they didn't send a dozen. *'Can you not give her a 
home, and thus repay in this way all. that some one 
is doing for your lost little one elsewhere? You 

will find Taggs a bright child, with a good " 

Where's the rest of it? (Looks all over letter.) 

Joel. There it is. Miss Abby. 

Abby. — "with a good diphtheria?" I wonder if 
it's catching? If it is we'll have it all over the farm. 
If it isn't one thing it's another. 

Joel. Why, that ain't diphtheria, Miss Abby. 
(Reaches over and takes letter suddenly.) 

Abby. What is it? 

Joel. That's disposition. 

Abby. Disposition So it is. Why don't they 

write straight ? It wouldn't cost a cent more. "You 
will find her Sunday-school book in her little bag 
with a little mark at her last lesson. She has only 
one fault: She will take things that are not her 
own." Joel Bartlett, see what she is doing? (Joel 
goes up and looks in kitchen from doorway.) My 
land! If that's the kind of a critter she is, I will 



10 THE COUNTY FAIR 

have to keep everything under lock and key. Might 
as well live in a jail and be done with it. (Joel and 
Sally express approval. Joel comes L. of Sally, j 
"But she has promised to do so no more. Hoping 
you will keep little Taggs, for as you do it unto 
the least of these you do it unto me, Sarah Wilson, 
Matron." Great suds and seeds ! Whatever can I 
do with this child ? — and I wonder where in the wide, 
wide world is poor Mercy's child by now ? 

(Joel and Sally turn up stage and sit in window. 
Enter Taggs from kitchen zuith hag.) 

Taggs. (Comes down r. of table) It seems as if 
I had struck you somewhere before, marm. 

Abby. Struck me, child? Guess if you had ever 
slapped me you would have known it then and there. 
What's your name? 

Taggs. Taggs. 

Abby. Taggs what? 

Taggs. Taggs nothing — just Taggs. 

Abby. What possessed them to call you that ? 

Taggs. Dunno, unless it is 'cause I sold shoe- 
strings. 

Abby. Tabbs, Tabbs, shoe tabs; Tabby is short 
for Tabitha ; Tabitha's your name. 

Taggs. Is it, marm? (Grabs doughnut from 
plate and puts it in pocket.) 

Sally. ^Sally and Joel come down c.l. quick- 
ly) She put a doughnut in her pocket, I saw her. 

Joel. I saw her. 

Abby. My child, don't ever put victuals in your 
pocket, put them in your stomach. You can have 
all you want at the table, but don't eat between 
meals. 

Joel. (Goes to head of table r. Attempts to 



THE COUNTY FAIR ii 

take hag from Taggs^ Let me take your bag, little 
girl? 

Taggs. No, you shan't. (Swings hag around 
near lamp.) 

Abby. (All startled and exclaim) My child, look 
out for the lamp. You'll set the house afire. Qoel 
goes hack to Sally .J 

Taggs. Well, ma'am, I wasn't going to have him 
take my bag. 

Abby. (Seated) He wouldn't have eat it if he 
had. What have you got in there? (Takes hag 
handed her hy Taggs.J 

Taggs. All my things is in there, ma'am. 

Abby. (Examining contents of hag) Pins, 
needles — well you must have a heap of them. All 
these little pieces of patchwork I wouldn't put in a 
rag bag. My child — (Holding night gown up hy 
arms to full view.) — What do you use that for? 
(Holds up very small night gown.) 

Taggs. That's my night gown, rna'am. Qoel 
laughs and turns his hack.) 

Abby. That ain't your night gown! (Looks at 
Taggs horrified.) I'll put a flounce on that the first 
thing I do. I wouldn't have you going around the 
house with that thing on such weather as we've had 
lately. What's this thing for? (Taking out little 
box.) Pins, needles and buttons — does the woman 
think we are savages? 

Taggs. My mending box. 

READY KNOCK r. d. f. 

Abby. So it is. (Hands hox to Sally who places 
it on mantel.) Put that on the mantel where she 
can get it. I hope you will always use it when it is' 
needed. 

Joel. Shall I take the bag up in the garret? 



12 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. No, Joel Bartlett, let it alone and go out 
in the barn and finish your chores. 

Joel. (Goes up and puts on cap and muffler and 
crosses to door R. u. eJ All right, Miss Abby; I 
say, shall I give Cold Molasses an extra feed ? 

Abby. Yes, bless his heart, as much as he wants. 
He stood out there in the cold and never said a word. 
(Exit Joel r. u. e. Abby rises and crosses to c.) 
For goodness sake, Sally, get supper for Vm half 
starved. 

Sally. All right. Miss Abby, I will get supper 
right away. (Exit Sally into kitchen.) 

Abby. I don't know how it is but somehow or 
other we are liable to have folks dropping in 
Wednesday night kind a promiscuous like. (Knock- 
ing R. u. E.) Open the door, Taggs; it can't be 
Otis as early as this. If it's anybody for supper I 
shall drop dead. There ain't a thing in the house. 

(Enter Solon Hammerhead^ r. u. e.J 

Solon. Evening, Miss Abby. 

Abby. Solon Hammerhead, go right back and 
wipe your feet, f Solon goes back to door mat and 
wipes his feet on his own trousers.) 

Solon. I never saw the roads in the condition 
that they are now. 

Abby. Whatever brought you out to-night — to 
borrow something, I suppose? (Abby goes over to 
table R. I. E. and busies herself with dishes on cup- 
board — Taggs goes up c.) 

Solon. (Comes down c.) Not much, I was 
driving by and thought I'd drop in to see how you 
made out with the sugaring, and see that young 
tramp, folks say you picked up at the post-office. 

Abby. Tramp ? Oh, the child ; there she is. She 
came up all the way from New York City. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 13 

Solon. How long is she going to stay? 

Abby. Well, Solon, I don't know, but according 
to the letter she brought she's here for keeps, 

Solon. The first thing you know she'll be stealing 
everything about the place. 

Abby. Oh, Solon, what a thing to say. 

Taggs. (Comes down stage c. r. with broom in 
hand.) You bet your sweet life I wouldn't leave 
anything loose around where you were. 

Solon, (c. l.J What did I tell you ? You're no 
better than a thief for keeping her here. (Turns 
back to Taggs .j 

Taggs. You call Miss Abby a thief? (Strikes 
Solon with broom on back.) 

Abby. Oh, Taggs, child, how could you? Put 
that broom straight back in the corner. (Broom 
bus., comes c.) T'other side up, you'll ruin that 
broom. ("Taggs pitts broom in corner brush down 
and changes when told.) That is a deacon; what 
have you done ? 

Taggs. That a deacon? (Comes down r.) 
Please, ma'am, I wasn't going to have him calling 
you a thief, so I thought I'd let him have it right in 
the neck. (Takes apple from sideboard.) 

Abby. Right in the neck? Put that apple right 
straight back on the plate and go in the kitchen and 
see if you can't help Sally. She will lead me a 
dance, mark my words. 

("Taggs exits into kitchen.) 

Solon. What that stray lamb needs is a strong 
arm to guide her. Didn't I tell you you weren't fit 
to bring up children? 

Abby. (Sits r. of table r., and begins to peel 
apples in chopping dish) Any stray lamb that you 
were leading would need arnica by the time it got 



14 THE COUNTY FAIR 

into the fold. Take off your things and sit down or 
go home, or something. That man makes me so 
nervous I feel like I could fly. (Jabs knife into 
apple.) 

Solon. (Goes up to window seat, takes off muf- 
fler, cap, etc., and puts them down, and comes to r. 
of table L.J It does seem, Miss Prue, as if you 
collect around you the greatest amount of trash of 
any woman I ever saw. 

Abby. Trash! What do you call trash? 

Solon. Look at that child now; whose child is 
she? 

Abby. She's nobody's child ; I don't suppose she's 
got a friend in the whole wide world, unless it is 

(Enter Taggs, who runs directly to Miss Abby at 
table R.J 

Taggs. Miss Abby? 

Abby. What, child? 

Taggs. Sally says I can have some of them flap- 
jacks with new maple sugar on. 

Abby. Certainly, dear, anything you want. 

Taggs. Miss Abby says I can have all I want. 
(Exit Taggs quickly, speaking while going.) 

Abby. I should not wonder if that child was 
clean empty. 

Solon. I don't see now what call you have got 
to keep Miss Sally here. She is no earthly use 
about the house, and must have cost you a heap of 
dollars. 

Abby. I never begrudged a cent I spent on Sally. 

Solon. Well, what right has she here anyway? 

Abby. I don't suppose she has any right, but I 
don't know what would become of me if Sally should 
leave. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 13 

Solon. But what in thunder is that snipe Joel 
Bartlett doing round here? 

Abby. Now, stop right where you are, Solon 
Hammerhead; nobody knows any better than you 
that there's a mortgage on this farm, seeing as how 
you hold it, and something has got to be done with 
the place; so I went over and had a real good talk 
with old man Bartlett ; and he was agreeable to have 
his eldest boy, Joel, come over here and work the 
farm on shares — Joel and me. Fact is, Solon, I 
have got to have a man on the farm. (Rises and 
comes to c.) 

Solon. (Rises, comes to c.) I have been think- 
ing considerable on that point myself lately, and you 
do need a man right bad, but what you need is a 
man, not a boy. Now what is the matter with me? 

Abby. Why, Solon, you? I never dreamed any- 
body could work you on shares. Howsomever, Joel 
is here now and doing tolerable well, and if every- 
thing turns out as well as the maple sugar I can pay 
off the mortgage in no time. 

Solon. You need never pay it unless you don't 
want to. 

Abby. Need never pay it? You were never 
known to give anything away. 

Solon. You don't know me. 

Abby. What are you driving at? 

Solon. I've a good mind to give you that mort- 
gage. 

Abby. Give it to me ! How I have wronged that 
man! (Goes over quickly and fakes both Solon's 
hands.) 

Solon. And myself with it. 

Abby. (Draws away quickly) Oh, ginger. 
(Aside.) Well, I might have known there was a 
nigger in the woodpile somewhere if that man gave 
anything away. 



i6 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Solon. Now just look at this farm. It used to 
be a part of our farm before Granther sold it to your 
father's folks, and people do say I'm mighty well 
off considering. 

Abby. If you ain't 'tain't your fault, 'cause you 
never was known to spend a cent. 

Solon. Now, you're a good manager, and a 
mighty good housekeeper, and as for cooking, there 
ain't nobody in the country that can touch you. 
Now, I bet a dollar if you was put to it you could 
cook for a dozen. 

Abby. (Coquettishly) Well, there is no knowing 
what you can do until you try. I might and then 
again I mightn't. 

Solon. So I thought the best thing I could do 
was to come here and marry you and jine the two 
farms together — and then I'd have the best farm in 
the county. We'd make a team — we would. Miss 
Abby, for you'd save me enough in housekeep alone 
to most nm the place. 

Abby. It seems as if you had got this thing all 
cut and dried. 

Solon. I had kind of settled it in my mind — 
that is, so to speak — and I thought the best thing to 
do was to come down here and tell you about it. 

Abby. It don't seem to have crossed your mind 
that I mightn't like it. 

Solon. Mightn't like it? Why, what possible 
objection could you make? 

Abby. I wouldn't have to make any objection. 

Solon. I thought not. 

Abby. For you're the biggest objection I could 
find on the farm. I appreciate your big, generous 
heart in giving me that mortgage, but when you tack 
a man on it like a great big seal, it alters the case 
considerably. 

Solon. You've got Joel here. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 17 

Abby. Yes, and if he don't behave himself I can 
pack him off home bag and baggage, but if you was 
here and I was married to you, what would I do 
with you, where would I put you? It's bad enough 
to have a dog in the house. 

Solon. I'd make you just as good a husband as 
any man in the county. 

Abby. Well, Solon, I can't argue that pint with 
you, seeing as you have been married twice, and 
both your wives started for the celestial shore the 

very first chance they got (With touch of 

sentiment.) I don't want to hurt your feelings, 
Solon, and we might as well settle the matter here. 
Fact is, I ain't got no 'biding affection for you. 

Solon. I thought you was too darned old for any 
foolishment like that. 

Abby. (With asperity) Well, I'm not so ever- 
lasting old but what I might be a bigger fool than I 
am. (Softening again.) Now I do think, Solon, 
that when two folks are jined together for life they 
ought to have a sort of passing regard for one 
another, a kind of bowing acquaintance 'atween the 
hearts. 

Solon. Well, if I'd thought you went in for any- 
thing like that, I'd a come down here and courted you 
regular. 

Abby. What have I escaped? 

Solon. There's that tarnation old fool, Otis 
Tucker, been sparking you for more than a dog's age ; 
if you're 'gaged why don't you say so ? 

Abby. Well, we ain't engaged, and if we was it 
wouldn't be nobody's business. What, Otis Tucker ? 
Poor Otis, he never dreamed of courting me. 

Solon. He has contrived to turn up here regular 
every Wednesday evening for more than fourteen 
years. 

Abby. To bring my paper from the post office. 



i8 THE COUNTY FAIR 

as he knows I never go to the village except Satur- 
day, but I guess if he thought it annoyed the neigh- 
bors, he'd stay to hum. 

Solon. It don't annoy me a mite. I come down 
here with a business proposition. 

Abby. That's just what you did come for, Solon 
Hammerhead, a downright trade, and what in thun- 
der would I get out of it I'd like to know? You'd 
get one of the best farms in the county, a good cook, 
house-keeper, dairymaid, in fact, if I do say it, but 
shouldn't, you'd get a pretty good maid of all work, 
and what would I get out of it I'd like to know, 

besides that (Pointing to Hammerhead.^ I 

suppose I'd get my clothes and mighty scant at that, 
my victuals and goodness knows that every living 
thing on your farm are starving. No, thanks ! I'm 
not looking for a place just now. (Crosses quickly 
and down l. of table r.) 

Solon. Then you mean to say we can't strike a 
bargain ? 

Abby. It certainly looks that way. 

Solon. All right, Miss Prue. One thing you can 
depend upon — I never start out for anything that I 
don't get. (Starts up stage and stops suddenly and 
turns.) 

Abby. Well, you won't get this. (Points to 
self.) 

Solon. (Puts on muffler, cap, etc.) I will get 
this farm. It's as good as mine now. 

Abby. How do you make that out? 

Solon. There's that mortgage. 

Abby. Don't let that mortgage worry your little 
soul. I'll pay off the mortgage if I have to sell my 
old clothes and go around in my stocking feet. 
Mortgage indeed ! Why I paid you $200 on it tain't 
five years ago. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 19 

Abby. That don't amount to shucks. That goes 
for interest. 

Abby. Interest, what interest? (At point of 
table.) You don't mean to tell me you charge a 
neighbor interest on borrowed money? 

Solon. I do. That's business. I only charge 
what the law allows, eight per cent. 

Abby. Well, upon my word, if that ain't the 
meanest thing I ever heard of since the Lord made 
me. 

Solon. There is principal and interest and inci- 
dental expenses that run up now to most sixteen 
hundred dollars. 

Abby. Sixteen hundred dollars ! All I borrowed 
in the first place was nine hundred. It's an outrage ! 

Solon. That mortgage has been running on for 
some time now, and I ain't said nothing about it. 

Abby. I know that was awful good of you, Solon. 

Solon. (Goes up to door r. u. e. Spoken at 
door) But one thing is certain; the mortgage runs 
out this summer about County Fair time, and I shall 
certainly have the money, the farm, or you, so you 
can marry me or not, just as you've a mind to. Good 
night. (Exit Hammerhead, r. u. e., slams door. 
Abby opens door and calls loudly, "Good night" 
slamming door hard.) 

Abby. (To self) Good night, you dunderheaded 

old slab (Bolts door and comes down table R., 

sits L. of R. table, and takes dish of apples in lap.) 
I don't blame either one of his wives for dying the 
first chance they got. 

(Enter Sally and Joel from, kitchen,) 

Joel. (Stopping at door and speaking from 
there) Has he gone, Miss Abby? 
Abby. Gone ! I should hope so. I'd rather had 



20 THE COUNTY FAIR 

a downright spell of sickness than have that critter 
call again. ^Joel and Sally come down to c. 
Sally c. and Joel l. c.J 

Sally, (c.) What did he want? 

Abby. (c. r., seated) He didn't want much 

(Slams dish down hard on table.) That is, he 
wanted considerable when I come to think of it; he 
wanted to marry me. 

Joel. Law, Miss Abby, but you didn't accept 
him? 

Abby. Accept him? Well, Joel Bartlett, upon 
my word, if you ain't as bad as he is for asking. 
There ain't a mite of danger of my accepting him or 
anybody else. What is marrying anyhow? It's 
downright slavery and drudgery from one year's end 
to t'other till you're worn to nothing but a shadow 
and all for a common man. No, Sally and me 

intends to live here all our lives C Sally puts 

her arm around Abby's neck.) Don't we, Sally, 
two old maids? (During this Sally and Joel dis- 
play trepidation and dismay.) 

Sally. Oh, Miss Abby, don't say that 

(Starts hack.) 

Abby. Goodness, Sally, what's the matter; has 
the cat fell in the well ; tell me quick ? 

Sally. I — I — I don't know unless Joel will tell 
you. ^JOEL and Sally holding hands.) 

Joel. (Twisting hat and showing great confu- 
sion) Fact is, why Sally and me, that is me and 
Sally, why, we want to 

Abby. Great suds and seeds, don't keep me in 
suspension any longer, Joel Bartlett. 

Joel. Well, then we want to get married. 

Abby. You children flying in the face of Provi- 
dence like that ! Oh, Sally, I never thought you'd 
leave me that way. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 21 

Sally. (Kneels down by Abbyj Don't, Miss 
Abby, I'll never get married, indeed I won't. 

Joel. Why, Sally Greenaway, you just promised 
me you would. 

Sally. Well, what I mean is, the only condition 
I'd have, Joel, was that we would never leave home. 
(Rises and takes Joel's hands, c.) 

Joel. That's it, Miss Abby. 

Abby. Just what I expected, for you have both 
been flighty for quite a spell. They say misfortunes 
never come single ; now, I suppose, I've got both of 
you to take care of. 

Sally. We've talked it all over, Miss Abby, and 
we can clean up the north attic. 

Abby. The attic? 

Sally. Oh yes, Joel says he's willing to begin 
down low. fSALLY points up.) 

Joel. Fact is, Miss Abby, what you' 
need on this farm is a man. Give me a 
couple of years and you won't know the 
place. Now, I can do more with the 
farm that anybody could with it since 
your father died. 

Sally. I can put nice, dimity curtains 
at the window, finish up that new rag car- 
pet, make those white tidies, hang pic- 
tures on the wall, make the rooms cozey, 
etc., etc. y 

Abby. Stop ! Stop ! ! I can't hear myself think ! 
The first thing I know I won't know nothing. One 
thing I do know, Joel Bartlett, if you don't go out 
to the barn and finish your chores there won't be 
nothing done. 

Joel. (Kisses Sally, runs up to kitchen down 
L. u. E., and turns) I say, Miss Abby, is it all right ? 
^Abby hesitatingly nods head at which Joel gives 
yell and exits. Abby jumps.) 



(Both 
speaking 
'at same 
time.) 



22 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. Oh! That silly boy, such conduct makes 
my blood run cold. 

Sally. (Comes down and kneels by Miss Abbyj 

Oh, Miss Abby (Kneels.) I'm so happy, Joel 

is so good, and he loves me so dearly. 

Abby. Does he? 

Sally. He says he does. 

Abby. Well, there's one thing in Joel's favor; 
he ain't got no talents. 

Sally. Oh, Miss Abby ! 

Abby. Well, that's considerable for Joel to have, 
for a talented man is sure to bring death, misery and 
destruction on his family sooner or later. There's 
history, you can't get over that. There's Mrs. 
Shakespeare, Mrs. Byron and the first Mrs. Bona- 
parte, bless their hearts, not one of them, ever had 
a moment's peace after they found their husbands 
had talents. My sister Mercy, her husband had tal- 
ents like all three of them ; he was an artist, always 
making those everlasting tin-types — and they buried 
him in Mr. Potter's field. (Rises and goes up c.) 

Sally. Why didn't she come home ? (Rises and 
goes R. of l. table.) 

Abby. Because she wouldn't leave him 

(Comes down c.) I tell you getting married makes 
folks madder than a March hare. When her baby 
was only three months old Mercy died and I never 
knew nothing about it till two years after. I got all 
the money I could rake and scrape and sent old 
Lige Jenkins down to New York City to try and find 
the baby. He stayed there until he had spent all my 
money, but 'twarn't no use, he never found the 
baby. Tell you what it is, Sally, getting married is 
pretty much like pizen ivy; it's well enough to look 
at but don't you touch it. 

Sally. (Crosses to chair l. table r.) I am not 
afraid. But • (u of Abby.J Miss Abby, I 



THE COUNTY FAIR 23 

wanted to ask you about my brother Tom ; is he dead 
do you think? READY SLEIGH BELLS 

Abby. He's as good as dead ; his running away 
from home years ago and being such a bad boy 
broke your ma's heart, the doctor said, just as much 
as anything. 

Sally. (Coming c.) He was a nice boy, if he 
did run away to the County Fair and there he got to 
holding horses for pennies and after a while he got 
so that he could ride the horses himself 

Abby. (c. r.j And he went to the devil on 
horseback. Hark ! 

SLEIGH BELLS (Heard in distance.) 

Sally. (Runs to window and looks out) Were 
you expecting company, Miss Abby? 

Abby. (Agitated, begins to primp and arrange 
skirts, etc.) Certainly not, but I didn't know but 
what Otis might drop in if he happened to be over 
this way. (Crosses to bureau l. and fixes hair 
before glass.) 

Sally. (Runs from window to sideboard r., gets 
apron; yellow bow and coral beads) Yes, that's his 
sleigh now, coming straight to the gate. You had 
better change your apron. (Hands apron to Abby 
wrong side out.) 

Abby. (Coming c. from window) Just look at 
my hair; not a hairpin here; who is it takes my 
hairpins ? I knew there was something I wanted to 
get at the post-office to-day. (Sings.) "I would 
not live alway — I ask not to stay!" 

Sally, (c. r.) Your hair is all right. Put on 
this apron 

READY KNOCK 

Abby. (c.) Go and tell Joel to help unharness 



24 THE COUNTY FAIR 

that horse, for Otis is so mortal moderate the horse 
would freeze to death before he got him unhitched. 
And Sally don't forget to warm those beans. Otis 
is fond of beans. (Holds out her neck for Sally to 
put beads on.) Now I ain't going to have on those 
beads 'cause they look fussed up. Still I ain't got 
no time to quarrel with you. 

Sally. I'll go and tell Joel; then I'll hurry up 
the supper things. (Exit Sally, kitchen l. u. e.) 

Abby. (Crosses to bureau — in front of glass) 
I shan't hurry one bit till I get myself fixed up. 
Ain't going to have him find me looking as his 
sister does. (Knock.) I do wonder if yellow suits 
my complexion ; sometimes I think it does and some- 
times I think it don't; Miss Blood the dressmaker 
says my hair being red — the yellow makes me look 
jaundicy. Just look at Sally leaving these things 
around. My stars ! I've broken a jar of preserves. 
(Changes apron. Business. Moves around room.) 
My apron is on wrong side fore; wonder if I've 
changed my luck ? Why, Otis Tucker, is that you ; 
I had no more idea of seeing you to-night than the 
man in the moon. (During the speech Abby fusses 
around room arranging tidies^ putting dishes away 
and making noise and finally draws bolt of door.) 

Otis. (r. d. f. Enters r, u. e., newspaper in 
hand in wrapper.) Here's your paper, Miss Abby. 
(Comes c. R.) 

Abby. (c.l.) My stars ! I had no more idea of 
seeing you to-night ; but I didn't know but you might 
drop in if you happened to be over this way. 
Awfully good of you. (Catches hold of muffler on 
Otis^s neck while he turns round unwrapping same.) 
Somehow I can't get to the post-office only on Sat- 
urdays to save my life nohow I can fix it; if you 
don't get your paper you might as well be out of the 



THE COUNTY FAIR 25 

world and done with it. Got quite chilly since the 
sun went down ; did you notice it ? 

Otis. (At fire r. r. at fireplace worming hands 
and feet with hack to AbbyJ 'Tis rather sharp. 
How's all your folks? 

Abby. (Sits L. of table l.c.^ Right tolerable, 
thanks. How's Mandy? 

Otis. (At fire) She's suffering with misery in 
her back. 

Abby. (At table l.) Poor thing ! So Toots was 
telling me. I sent her a plaster to put on but she's 
so stupid I'm afraid she'll cook it and eat it. 

Otis. Thought as how you weren't to hum, seein' 
your door was locked. 

Abby. Don't you be in such an everlasting hurry 
to take a hint, Otis ; if I don't want you here I'll tell 
you so. What kept you so long? 

Otis. (Crosses, sits r. of table l., opposite Miss 
AbbyJ Couldn't get here no sooner. 

Abby. Why didn't you say you hurried; I 
wouldn't have believed it if you had; nothing on 
earth would make you hurry. Fact is you needn't 
come at all if you don't want to. Now you've got 
here, what kept you? 

Otis. I had to stay and drive Miss Blood hum. 

Abby. (Shows some jealousy in manner) Drive 
Miss Blood hum? Where was she? 

Otis. Helping sister dressmake 

Abby. You don't mean to sit there and tell me 
Mandy is having another calico made; that makes 
three she has had within the year. I don't wonder 
the papers say we are living in an extravagant age. 
She didn't need a calico half as much as I did. That 
makes three she's had in a year. 'Pon my word, if 
that don't beat the Dutch ! It must have been kind 
a chilly driving that old maid home. 

Otis. 'Twas rather cold driving over ; but I think 



26 THE COUNTY FAIR 

the weather has moderated considerable now I got 
here. (They look at each other and smirk.) 

Abby. Is that so, Otis ? Don't you know I think 
the weather is kind o' moderater Wednesday night 
than any other night in the week. It's been so for 
quite a spell. (Looks at Otis meaningly and rocks 
chair violently.) Put that on your chilblains I told 
you to ? 

Otis. Oh, yes, and it did them a power of good. 

Abby. What did you have for dinner to-day? 
(Darning stocking, basket in lap.) 

Otis. Regular biled dinner. 

Abby. Biled dinner on Wednesday! When will 
Mandy ever learn to keep house? Why don't she 
have a biled dinner on Saturday like everybody else ; 
then she wouldn't have to cook nothing on Sunday ; 
but laws, I don't care whether she ever has a biled 
dinner or not, and I don't suppose Mandy cares 
whether I care whether she cares — did you ever see 
so many cares in your life ? (Laughs. Long pause. 
Bus.) Have you heard any news, Otis? 

Otis. I don't never hear anything. Don't sup- 
pose you did neither. (Picks at arm of chair in 
sheepish and embarrassed manner.) 

Abby. No, I never hear anything unless you tell 
it. (Rocking hard.) You do say the cutest things 
sometimes. 'Pon my word I do think you are fun- 
nier than an almanac. I did hear some news but I 
don't think it will interest you. Had an offer of 
marriage. 

Otis. No ! You ain't — have you ? (Surprised.) 

Abby. Yes, I have. If you don't believe it, I 
won't say anything about it. 

Otis. Well, now, Miss Abby, who in the world 
would ever want to marry you? 

Abby. Why, Otis Tucker, did you imagine there 
wasn't a solitary soul on the face of the earth that 



THE COUNTY FAIR 27 

would marry me? I didn't think I was quite out 
of the market. You are compHmentary to say the 
least. However, if it causes such an everlasting 
commotion, I'll keep the rest of my business to my- 
self. 

Otis. What kind of a commotion could an offer 
of marriage make to you ? 

Abby. (With asperity) Well it caused consider- 
able to the man that made it. 

Otis. How did you end the matter? 

Abby. Didn't end it. No knowing where it will 
end. 

Otis. How did you leave him? 

Abby. I didn't leave him; he left me. I ain't 
going to tell you nothing about it because I don't 
think you are interested in marriage and such things. 
If I thought you was I'd tell you of another. 

Otis. You don't mean to tell me as how you've 
had another offer of marriage. 

Abby. Oh, dear no, not for me. I don't want all 
the offers. There's others in the world besides me, 
that's liable to flop off the handle at any moment. 
It's Sally Greenaway; she's not only had an offer, 
but she's engaged. Did you ever hear anything like 
it? 

Otis. Do tell; who? 

Abby. Joel Bartlett — I thought I should die. 

Otis. Well, well, well. 

Abby. There's the material for a new patchwork 
quilt I'm making for them. I do hope I'll get it 
done in time for the Fair. Tell Manda she must stir 
her stumps and try and get me some pieces. 

Otis. That will make considerable of a spread. 

Abby. Wait till you see the centerpiece. 

Otis. Miss Abby, who was it as made you that 
offer? 

Abby. Well, Otis, as it ain't quite settled, I 



28 THE COUNTY FAIR 

can't say. fOxis turns back to Abby and crosses 
leg, swinging foot awkwardly. Aside.) I wouldn*t 
tell him for a farm. (To Otis. J Howsomever, 
when I do get married, you'll be the first one to 
know it. (Rocks violently.) I didn't jump at it, I 
ain't in such an awful hurry to get married; if I 
was I would have been married long ago. (Nearly 
upsets chair over backwards.) Why don't you mend 
my chair. Suppose you will after I break my neck. 
But you don't care. 

Otis. (Wipes forehead with handkerchief) Get- . 
ting very warm. Shouldn't wonder if we had a 
thunder shower before morning. (Rises and starts 
to take off coat.) 

Abby. (Rises and crosses to Otis and stops him 
from taking off his coat) A thunder shower and two 
feet of snow on the ground. Why, Otis, you're 
feverish or eat something that ain't agreed with you. 
(Both re-seated.) 

Otis. The idea of you getting married. It's 
enough to make anybody feverish. Why, Miss Prue, 

sooner than have you marry anybody — I'd 

(Turns slowly to Abby and stops as he faces her. 
Pause.) 

Abby. (After long wait) You'd do wonders, no 
doubt. 

Otis. I do wonder if I'll ever understand a 
woman. 

Abby. Don't you try. I understand a woman like 
a book, because I've been one quite a spell. Did you 
hear any news down at the post office? I declare 
I'd shut up that post office if it was mine if some- 
body didn't get a letter now and then. 

Otis. I forgot. I got a letter the other day from 
Brother John. 

Abby. From New York City ? How is he getting 
along ? 



THE COUNTY FAIR 29 

Otis. He seemed to be taking on in a great way 
from the way he writ. 

Abby. What seemed to be the nater of his diffi- 
culty ? 

Otis. I can't remember what it was exactly. 

Abby. Well, was he sick, or had he broke his leg, 
his back, or neck or what? 

Otis. No, it was not that. I don't know what it 
is. 

Abby. Hate to see you so worried about that boy ; 
kind a strange you can't remember nothing he said 
at all; didn't you read the letter? 

Otis. No, I forgot all about it. 

Abby. When did you get the letter, yesterday ? 

Otis. No. 

Abby. The day before? 

Otis. No. 

Abby. Oh, the day before that? 

Otis. Three weeks ago. 

Abby. (Rises quickly) Three weeks ago and 
you've been carrying it around in your pocket ever 
since and don't know what the matter is? Well, I 
suppose you thought if you carried it round in your 
pocket long enough it would kind a soak in and 
you'd know all about it. I suppose that boy has 
gone to the post office every day looking for a letter. 
Well, why don't you go and get the letter now and 
read it? ('Otis rises. Abby following looking 
through his coat tail pockets.) In the course of the 
next two or three weeks, I'd like to know something 
about it. Which pocket did you put it in? One of 
these hind tail pockets. I suppose you did; every- 
thing you get you put in there. What have you got 
in there anyhow? Pieces of iron wire, horse shoe 
nails, well I declare, if you haven't got a regular 
blacksmith shop. I don't believe you had any letter. 
Here's your usual supply of dirty handkerchiefs. 



30 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Otis, I don't like to say anything but Mandy is no 
great hand about picking up a wash, is she? What's 
that? Well, I declare if his suspenders ain't nailed 
on with a spile. I'll try and get a sewing circle and 
see if I can't get you in working order just once. 
Can't that sister of yours keep one man in repair? 
What did you do with that letter ? (Takes spike out 
of his suspenders and throws down on plate. Otis 
takes up and puts hack. During speech Otis with 
Abby after him goes up stage to look in overcoat 
pocket, then come down to hack of tahle R.J 

Otis. I had it some place. Here it is ! (Takes 
letter from inside vest pocket.) 

Abby. What's that? 

Otis. That's the envelope. 

Abby. Do you want me to read the letter ? There 
might be something in you don't want me to see. 

Otis. I would just as leave our minister would 
read it. ^Otis sits r. of tahle r., Abby l.J 

Abby. I wouldn't if it was as dirty as that. I 
would have some family pride. (Reading letter.) 
"No. 300 Exchange Place, New York City, Febru- 
ary 29. Dear Otis : — I regret to tell you that I am 

in a world of trouble " Did you ever hear of 

your relations when they weren't — "just as our pros- 
pects were at the brightest the bottom of our gold 
mine dropped out." Why, Otis, you didn't tell me 
it was a calamity like that, and that poor boy all 
alone there in all his trouble. I wonder if anybody 
was in it at the time. When I think of those miners, 
a pecking at the bowels of the earth, it seems as 
though my heart would break. 

Otis. What does Brother John say? 

Abby. The bottom of his gold mine has fell out. 

Otis. You don't tell me. 

Abby. My, my, wasn't that too bad; I wonder 
where it fell to! 



THE COUNTY FAIR 31 

Otis. I dunno ! 

Abby. Well those that do know say that the 
whole centre of the earth is a liquid ball of fire and 
we are only living on the crust of it by a merciful 
Providence, so I suppose the bottom of the mine 
must have fell right in the fire. 

Otis. Then the mine has gone to hell. ("Abby 
rises, upsetting dishes making great racket and 
rushes up and down stage with hand over her mouth. 
Otis^ very much embarrassed, turns hack to her.) 

Abby. Otis, how could you ? I'm glad the neigh- 
bors didn't hear such profanity in you. How can 
you ever look our minister in the face after that I 
can't imagine. ("Abby sits down again. Reading.) 
"Unfortunately I was flat on my back at the time." 
Why, the man is sick abed! It never rains but it 
pours. 

Otis. What is the matter with him ? 

Abby. I don't know. But when it comes to that, 
John was always a delicate critter ; he always did 
have a natural tenderness toward sickness; poor 
John, I remember him years ago, even then he suf- 
fered desperately with dyspepsia in the legs ; he had 
the lumbago, your ma died on it and you've had a 
touch of it. 

Otis. Bad. 

Abby. Where was I? 

Otis. He was sick abed. 

Abby. Sick abed? Oh, yes, yes. "Flat on my 
back at the time and unable to attend to the stock." 
Why, Otis, does John run a stock farm in New 
York City? 

Otis. Maybe he does, for all I know. 

Abby. John always was a queer sort of a boy; 
you know your father was always a great hand at 
raising stock and I suppose he inherited it. (Read- 
ing.) "We watered the stock last summer and ex- 



32 THE COUNTY FAIR 

pected to do it again." Great suds and seeds how 
those critters must have suffered ; if his cows didn't 
dry up it's a miracle. (Reads.) "But the bears got 
into the street and slaughtered the bulls in short 
order." (Rises violently and goes c.) What kind 
of a cock and bull story is this anyhow? I don't 
believe a word in this letter from beginning to end. 

Otis. Well, I don't think as how Brother John 
would lie about it. 

Abby. John or no John, I've got good common 
sense. Do you suppose in a village like New York 
bears go scampering around the streets? Why, it's 
impossible. They couldn't unless they broke out of 
some menagerie; oh, maybe there was a circus in 
town. (Sits down.) 

Otis. Maybe there was. 

Abby. Well, let me read the rest of this thing and 
see what he says in the tail end of it. (Reads.) 
"Now if you don't come to my immediate relief, I 
shall soon be past help, in fact, as good as dead. 
Your affectionate brother, John." When did you 
say you got the letter ? (Tearfully. Rises and goes 
c.) 

Otis. Three weeks ago. 

Abby. Great Scott ! When did you expect to see 
your brother? 

Otis. I— I— I thought 

Abby. When did you expect to see your brother? 

Otis. I was thinking as how I could run down 
there just as soon as the roads dry up a bit. (Rises 
and follows Abby c. Abby l.c. Otis r.c.J 

Abby. Roads dry up? Why, Otis Tucker, that 
man's no more fit to die than you are. You prom- 
ised your mother on her dying bed that you'd be a 
father to that boy. How old was he? 

Otis. Thirty-two. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 33 

(Enter Sally,, Joel and Taggs from kitchen. Each 
carrying covered dish which they place on table 
R. Sally r. table. Taggs, back of table, Joel 
L. table.) 

Abby. Only to think of that boy being cut down 
in his youth Hke a mullein stalk ! 

Sally. Most ready for supper, Miss Abby ? 

Abby. (Crosses to c.) Supper? Why, child, I 
could no more eat any supper than I could the very 
dishes on the table themselves. Joel Bartlett, what 
time does the next railroad go to New York City ? 

Joel. (c. r.J Lord, Miss Abby, I don't know, 
Tm sure. 

Abby. Did you ever know anything I asked you ? 

Sally. Goodness, Miss Abby, what's happened? 

Abby. Why, Otis' brother, John, is dying on his 
stock farm in New York City. That guilty wretch 
standing there has carried the fatal letter in his 
pocket for three long weeks and for all we know his 
poor brother may be dead and buried and no one was 
there to soothe his dying pillow. 

Sally. Miss Abby, there's a train somewhere 
about midnight, but we have got to hang a lantern 
out to stop it. 

Abby. Hang a lantern ! Well, hang a dozen ! 

Joel. Well, I guess I'll hitch up and take Otis 
over to the station. CJoel runs to door and starts 
out, taking hat off peg in passing.) 

Abby. Joel Bartlett, come back here this instant. 
Don't you realize if that man goes to New York City, 
he's got to start right from here? He's got no time 
to wander all over the face of the earth. Sally, go 
right upstairs in the spare room, second bureau 
drawer, left side, is a roll of linen rags and on the 
mantel beside it is a bottle of Balm of Gilead and a 

tin box of Russian salve ■ (Exit upstairs l. 

Sally.J 



34 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Joel. Miss Abby, is there anything I can do to 
help you ? 

Abby. Yes, Joel, go right upstairs and get my 
carpet bag; you'll also find a bag of hops. Qoel 
rushes upstairs.) Otis, there is nothing so good in 
the world to annihilate the nerves as hops; there 
may be as good doctors in New York City as there 
is here, whether there is or not I don't care, but I 
can't make out by the letter whether he was torn by 
coming in contact with the bears, but this much I 
do know, his nerves must have been terribly shat- 
tered at the very sight of the critter. Take the hops 
and put them on the stove with a little water ; don't 
let them boil, but let them steep to the right con- 
sistency; put them in a flannel bag, let him inhale 
them if he is suffering from the loss of sleep. Now, 
don't forget it, for the man's life depends on it. 

Otis. Huh? 

Abby. I'm blessed if he knows a single word I've 
said. 

Otis. Well, I guess I'll drive round to hum first. 

Abby. For what? 

Otis. I want to get my boots tallowed. 

Abby. (Crossing to kitchen c.) Taggs, bring 
him in here and we'll grease him all over. I think 
I can put my hands right on a grease rag. (Exit 
Abby, Otis and Taggs in kitchen l. u. e.) 

(Enter Sally and Joel, cross to l. table then c. 
downstairs. Joel first with carpet hag which 
he puts on table l. and crosses to c. Sally 
following- with bag of hops, crosses to table and 
puts them in carpet bag.) 

Joel, (c.) I say, Sally, did you ever see Otis' 
brother John ? 

Sally. ("c.l.J Once or twice, when he came up 



THE COUNTY FAIR 35 

for a week's fishing. You know he went to New 
York when he was very young and he has Hved 
there ever since with his uncle. 

Joel. (Puts hand in pocket) Oh, I say, Sally, 
be Jiminy, but I most forgot it. But I've got some- 
thing in my pocket for you. 

Sally. What is it? 

Joel. Oh, I am not going to tell you ; you must 
guess. 

Sally. (At fable) It's my knitting; I left it 
over at Myra Lewis'. 

Joel. No, it ain't nuther. 

Sally. (Coming c.) Then it's a pattern Miss 
Blood sent me. 

Joel. No, it ain't nothing to do with dressmaking 
or knitting nuther. Guess again. 

Sally. Oh, Joel, now I know what it is. How 
foolish of me not to guess it in the first place. 

Joel. I bet a dollar you don't know what it is. 

Sally. Yes, I do. Now, why don't you show it 
to me. I'm just dying to see it. It's — it's 

Joel. It's a what, Sally ? 

Sally. (Turning away from Joel, but holding 
out to him) Why, Joel, it's a ring ! 

Joel. No, by thunder it ain't, Sally ; I wish it was. 
It's nothing but this old letter. (Hands her letter 
and goes l.) 

Sally. (Examining letter anxiously) A letter 
for me? Why, I never got a letter before in all my 
life. I wonder who it's from? 

Joel. How should I know unless I'd read it? 

Sally. Get a chair, Joel, and we'll sit down and 
read it together, f Joel gets two chairs, one from 
table R. and one from up stage, places them close 
together in c. Sally opens letter and shows sur- 
prise at contents and quickly hides it in pocket, after 
kissing it. She stands at table R.J 



36 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Joel, (c.) Come on, Sally; sit down and lefs 
read the letter. (Agitated.) 

Sally, (c. r. by table r.) I don't want to read it 
now, Joel. Oh, let's wait till after Otis is gone, 
won't you? 

Joel. (Places chair back in position) All right, 
Sally, but I say you can tell me who it's from, can't 
you? (Coming dozvn to Sally. J 

Sally. You mustn't ask me such questions. 

Joel. Well, it's from a man, now ain't it? 

Sally. How did you know it was? 

Joel. Well, I could tell by the handwriting on 
the outside. Come now, Sally, you can tell me who 
it's from, can't you? 

Sally. Indeed, I can't, Joel ; I can't tell you any- 
thing about it. 

Joel. (Bundling) Oh that's all right, Sally; if 
I'd known it was a love letter I wouldn't have said 
anything about it in the first place. (Goes and gets 
hat.) 

Sally. (Crosses to table L.j It's not a love let- 
ter, and after what you've said I shan't tell you any- 
thing about it. 

Joel. That's all right, Sally Greenaway; I don't 
want to read your letters. I ain't got one mite of 
curiosity, but upon my word, I never thought any 
man could come between me and you. (Coming 
down to table R.) 

Sally. Oh, Joel, don't talk like that. (Crosses 
to Joel and puts hand on his shoulders.) 

(Enter Abby, Otis^ and Taggs from kitchen. Abby 
with tin of tallow, Otis' boot pulled on hand, 
crosses to fireplace. Otis following boot off, 
hole in heel of sock, sits on chair.) 

Abby. Clear away the supper things; there^s no 



THE COUNTY FAIR 37 

time to eat now or anything else. ("Otis sits in 
chair. Taggs holds Otis around back of chair. Joel 
enters, catches Taggs round waist. Abby starts 
pulling on Otis' remaining boot.) You might have 
left a little fire in the kitchen ; enough to grease this 
man's boots; it's enough to make my father turn 
over in his grave to see me greasing boots in this 
room. (Boot comes off suddenly and Otis falls 
backwards. Exit Joel and Sally with dishes into 
kitchen.) I'd give a dollar if I could only get that 
stocking. That hole goes right to my heart. If ever 
a man needed a mother that man does. ^Taggs goes 
to oven.) Taggs, put that tallow right back on the 
shelf where you found it. 

Taggs. (Puts her head in oven) What's this 
place for? 

Abby. It's an old brick oven that hasn't been used 
for baking for nigh on to twenty years; all I use 
it for now is to put my preserves and other things in. 
Take that tallow right back where you found it — 
("Taggs takes tin of tallow from fireplace, starts to 
kitchen.) — and wait till you find out what you're 
after. Bring in a large tin pan with all the victuals 
you can lay your hands on, for it would never do to 
send a man off on a journey like that on an empty 
stomach. ('Abby takes carpet bag from table r. and 
crosses to back table l.) 

(Exit Taggs in kitchen. Enter Sally, stands l. of 
Otis.j 

Sally. You have never been to a big city, have 
you, Otis? 

(Enter Taggs from kitchen with pan of bread, 
places it on table l. Abby fills bag with bread, 
doughnuts, etc. Taggs then crosses to table r. 
and eats apple with knife.) 



38 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Otis. I have travelled considerable, I did. 

Abby. (By L. table) You have never travelled 
any in your life only from hum to the schoolhousc 
and then not as often as you ought to. What big 
city did you ever visit? 

Otis. When I was a boy I went with father. 

Abby. Where ? 

Otis. Down to Bellows Falls. 

(Enter Joel from kitchen.) 

Joel. I tell you what it is, Otis Tucker, I'd rather 
you were going to New York than me. 

Abby. Why, Joel? 

Joel. 'Cause that's where Silas Bailey's eldest 
boy went more than two years .ago, and we never 
heard a word of him since, and nobody ever did 
know how nor where he was murdered. 

Abby. Murdered ! (Drops pan full of hreaa on 
floor in great dismay.) 

Taggs. If you don't get scalped in New York 
City, my name ain't Taggs 'cause I've been there, 
you bet your life. 

Abby. But there was no positive proof that the 
Bailey boy was murdered? 

Joel. Yes there was, Miss Abby. 

Taggs. Laws, ma'am, there's lots of people that 
goes to New York never heard of again. (Aside.) 
Till they shows up in Canada. 

Abby. Perhaps, Otis, we have been a little hasty. 
The Doctor would be sure to write if your brother 
was at all dangerous. 

Otis. I am going now I've got started. (^Taggs 
helps Otis on with coat standing on chair. Sally 
goes to mantel and lights candles, then goes to win-^ 
dow and looks out.) 

Joel. Guess I'll go to the barn and take Otis to 



THE COUNTY FAIR 39 

the station quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. 
(Exit Joel r. d. f.) 

Abby. Otis, if you are ever going to have com- 
mon sense, it's time you had it now. There are so 
many reasons why you shouldn't go to New York 
City. There is no knowing how the roads are at this 
time of year. 

Otis. I'm all right now I've got my boots tal- 
lowed. 

Taggs. Say, mister, you'd better put your name 
in your hat. 

Otis. I won't lose it. 

Taggs. So the police will know who you are if 
you get murdered. New York is a desperate wicked 
place, ma'am. 

Abby. That child is speaking the gospel truth. 
The Missionary Journal said a few weeks ago that it 
ought to rain fire and brimstone on the New York 
City government. Now, Otis, if the selectmen are 
as bad as that, my stars ! What must the common 
folks be? Do you think you had better go? 

Otis. Guess I can stand it if brother John can. 

Abby. Hadn't you better write to your brother 
John and have him meet you at the railroad ? 

Otis. How can he? He is flat on his back. 

Abby. Oh, I forgot. 

Taggs. Oh, there will be somebody there to meet 
him, all right. 

Abby. Oh, I'm so glad. 

Taggs. Look here, mister, if a man comes up to 
you and says he knows all your folks and all about 
you, you want to haul off and give him a smash 
right in the jaw. (Comes up to Otis.J 

Abby. Don't you do it, Otis. 

Taggs. 'Cause the man's N.G. He'll rob you of 
every cent you have got, and his name is Bunco Bill, 
see? (Goes back to table r. in gallant manner.) 



40 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. Taggs, you needn't say another word about 
it ; it is a desperate wicked place I know, for I seen 
in the paper t'other day that the street of New York 
were actually full of pitfalls of stock, and you've got 
considerable on your farm one way and t'other. 

Otis. About as much as the general run of folks. 

Abby. Otis, you mustn't go. 

Otis. Why mustn't I? 

Abby. 'Cause there's all your spring work to do, 
and besides, Otis, if anything should happen to you, 
what would become — of 

Otis. Who? 

Abby. — ^your sister ? 

Joel. All right, Otis, the sleigh is ready. (Taps 
on window outside.) 

Sally. (Takes bag from table l., crosses to door 
R. u. E.) The sleigh is ready, come, Taggs. 

Abby. Put on your cloak; you're not going to 
keep me up barking all night with the windflewend- 
ways. (Puts cloak on Sally.J 

Sally. Come, Taggs. (Exit Sally r. u. e. 
Taggs goes to kitchen and gets wrap.) 

Abby. (Puts on wrap) If I find father's buffalo 
robe, will you use it? (Exit Abby r. u. e.J 

Taggs. (At r. u. e.J So he's going to New York 
City, is he? Well, just imagine that lamb on the 
Bowery ! (Exit Taggs r. u. e.J 

Otis. I hope that railroad don't go off without 
me. Now it will never do to take grandpapa's watch 
to New York City ; I might lose it. That will never 
do. Guess I'll just tuck it away in this little button 
box ; it will be safe until I come back. (Puts watch 
in box on mantel. Enter Abby r. u. e.J I've just — 
just 

Abby. (c.) I want to tell you one thing, Otis, 
if you don't wrap up, you're just as liable to get the 
chronic amonia as any man living. (Business; 



THE COUNTY FAIR 41 

zvraps muffler round Otis' neck and ties hard.) The 
sleigh is most ready, Otis ; I suppose it's for the best. 
I have tried so hard to think so, and you'll write to 
me, won't you, Otis ? 

Otis. Well, I suppose I might as well (^Otis 
has hands down by his side. Abby tries to take hand 
when Otis makes motion to get mitten out of his 
pocket. Mittens are on table and Abby grabs them 
hurriedly after Otis exits and leaves one accidentally 
on table.) 

Abby. (Business) Should anything happen to 
that dear boy, I'd wilt down like clover on a July 

morning. Oh, there's his mitten. Otis, Joel 

(Exit Abby in rush, calling.) 

(Enter Taggs r. u. e. Goes to fire and warms hands 
then to kitchen alcove and lies on sofa.) 

Taggs. Oh, how nice and warm it is in here; I 
struck a soft snap when I got in this place ; and my, 
but their victuals, they are just too fillin', and I eat 
till I nearly busted. (Enter Tim^ discovered by 
Taggs. Tim opens door r. u. e. quietly sticks head 
in and looks around, enters stealthily and goes to 
fire and warms himself. Taggs comes down stage 
and peeps at Tim_, finally recognizing him.) Why, 
Tim, is that you? 

Tim. (Comes down and shakes hands with Taggs j 
Taggs ! Why, what are you doing here ? 

Taggs. (cl.) Got sent up here from the mis- 
sion. Say, when did you get out of jail? 

Tim. fc.R.j Served my time; out six months 
ago. Been jobbing around ever since, but as soon 
as they would find out that I was a jailbird, they'd 
fire me. I've had a hard time of it. (Takes apple 
off table R. and eats it.) 

Taggs. What are you doing here? 



42 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Tim. Looking for a job, but it would never do 
for me to stop here ; you would give me away sure. 
I say, Taggs, if I could only get something to eat, I 
could sleep in the barn and be off in the morning. 

Taggs. I'll do what I can for you, Tim, but I 
only got here to-night. Hadn't I better tell Miss 
Abby? 

Tim. What, Miss Prue? Not for the world. I 
wouldn't have her see me for anything. 

(Enter Abby and Sally. Tim hides behind table l. 
Taggs hides Tim by holding out her skirts. 
When Abby goes to door r. u. e. Taggs motions 
to Tim to hide^ he runs upstairs but is mo- 
tioned back by Taggs^ who puts him in oven 
and slams door, causing Abby to turn with 
start.) 

Abby. Oh, how cold my fingers are. (Crosses to 
table L.J 

Sally. It was a shame to run out without any- 
thing around you in such weather. (Takes cloak 
and puts it on chair at table l.J 

Abby. Make me a pot of tea or I'll drop dead in 
my tracks, f Sally exits in kitchen.) I'll stand in 
the door and watch Otis out of sight if I die for it. 
("Taggs at oven door.) I'll bet a dollar that child 
will be the death of me before she's here a week. 
Now, whatever is she doing at that oven! Taggs, 
come right away from that oven; there is nothing 
in that oven but what belongs to me. I don't want 
you to meddle with anything that is in there. Go 
and ask Sally to make that tea extra strong, for it 
does seem as though my stomach had fainted away. 
How cruel to send Otis off without a mouthful of 
supper. I might have tried to give him just a bite. 
(Goes dozvn to table and takes mitten.) Oh, there's 



THE COUNTY FAIR 43 

Otis's mitten ; what have I done, what have I done ! 
I have sent him off with one mitten. That poor boy- 
suffers so with cold hands, and his dear Httle hand 
has been in there so often, and it's worked so hard. 
(Looks sadly at mitten, kisses and places in breast. 
Business.) Might as well change my apron now 
Otis is gone. There's that child's Sunday School 
lesson staring me in the face like a reproach ; what 
did they send that child up here for? I'm no more 
fit to bring that child up than nothing at all. I'll 
never think of hearing her lesson unless I do it to- 
night. I will. (During speech Abby takes book 
from dresser r. and crosses to chair at l. of table L. 
next to oven, lays book in lap, also hiding book and 
is searching for something in basket.) — and it'll 
kinda take my mind off Otis, and I'll have the satis- 
faction of knowing after I'm dead that I did my 
duty by that child if I didn't do anything else. 

(Enter Taggs from kitchen l,.3.e.J 

Taggs. (Comes down to r. of table L,j It's all 
right, Miss Abby, Sally is going to make the tea 
extra strong because your nerves are shattered. 

Abby. Who was it put into the fiery furnace ? 

Taggs. (Very much alarmed begins to cry) Did 
you know he was in there ? 

Abby. In where? 

Taggs. In the oven ! 

Abby. Did I know it? That has nothing to do 
with it. I ask you did you know? 

Taggs. (c.) Please, ma'am, I didn't mean to do 
it. (Crying.) I was so sorry for him, and I'll never 
do it again ; it wasn't my fault ; don't send me back 
to the mission. 

Abby. (l.) Stop! Stop ! this minute ; what are 
you talking about? I never heard such nonsense; 



44 THE COUNTY FAIR 

you know better than that and I know it. Do you 
suppose for an instant that I thought that you were 
responsible for everything that happened in those 
days? Hush this minute. Now, pay attention to 
what you are talking about and tell me who it was 
put into the fiery furnace, or oven as you call it, I'll 

tell you the story; about that time (During 

speech Tim puts head out of oven and points to 
hook in Abby's lap. Taggs sees it and understands 
at once and her manner changes.) 

Taggs. (c.) Oh, I know that ; I know all about 
that ; yes, ma'am ; it was — oh, cheese it, come off — 
get back in your hole — (To Tim.) Yes — it was — it 
was 

Abby. Shadrack. 

Taggs. Shadrach, meat-axe. and to-bed-you-go. 
(Dances break.) 

Abby. That's not a bit like it. Do you always 
have a fit like this when you say your lesson ? 

Taggs. Yes'm ! I most always have them. 

Abby. What a misfliction ; I don't know what in 
the world to give you for it unless it is to soak your 
feet in hot water and give you some saffron tea. 
Don't take your lesson so to heart, dear; but you'll 
have to know more of your Sunday-school lesson 
to-morrow or you can't have any cake for supper. 

Taggs. Well, you bet your sweet life I will. 

Abby. Bet on your Sunday-school lesson ? 

Taggs. I bet a cent, ma'am, I don't bet again. 

(Enter Sally with tray and pot, tea cup, etc., which 
she places on table L.j 

Sally. Miss Abby, I thought you might feel 
kinda downhearted and want something more sus- 
taining than tea. (Pours out cup of tea for Abby.j 

Abby. (Sweetens tea) No, Sally, a cup of tea is 



THE COUNTY FAIR 45 

all I want, for my nerves are torn like a burdock 
under a harrow. (Pours tea out of cup into saucer 
and blozvs it to cool it.) Ah, that goes just to the 
right spot. Now, Sally, you will have to look after 
Taggs. She will have to sleep with you, for we 
never can be making up two beds all the time, for 
we have as much as we can do to get through our 
wash as it is. 

Sally. (Puts arms around TaggsJ Oh, we'll get 
along nicely, won't we, Taggs ? And then to-morrow 
if you'll send for Miss Blood, the dressmaker, I'll 
have her make over some of my old dresses for 
Taggs. 

Abby. How good of you, Sally, and she may have 
my old black bombazine. (Clock strikes S.) Now, 
girls, it is getting rather late, and we might as well 
sing our hymn and go to bed. 

Sally. (Goes up to organ and prepares to play 
hymn) What shall we sing. Miss Abby? 

Abby. (Taking book from table) The first one 
you come to; maybe it'll be appropriate. ^Taggs 
goes up and sits on chair by organ. Lights to go 
down one-half.) 

Sally. Three thirty-nine. 

Abby. How ? 

Sally. Three thirty-nine. 

(^TiM opens oven door and peeps out. Abby docs 
not see him but slams door to. Same bus. with 
oven door during hymn.) 

Hymn (Tune "Balerma") 

Man is a prisoner in this life, 
Through all this vale of tears, 

He tries to leave this weary strife, 
No outlet does appear. 



46 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Man is a prisoner in this life, 

In vain he tries to fly, 
He never can escape this world, 

Until he comes to die. 

Man is a prisoner here below, 

He can escape no more, 
He's sure to find it always so, 

Till death unlocks the door. 

Sally. (Comes down, kisses Abby, goes to man- 
tel and takes candle and goes) Good-night, Miss 
Abby. Come, Taggs. 

Taggs. Good-night, Miss Abby. (Kisses Miss 
Abby and follows Sally.J 

Abby. Good-night, girls. 

Sally. Come, Taggs. (Exit Sally and Taggs 
upstairs. Lights to go down one quarter.) 

Abby. You'll find more clothes in the closet at the 
end of the hall if there ain't enough on the bed. 
(Rises, goes to mantel, takes candle, opens door r. 
u. E. and holds candlestick over head and calls cat.) 
Kitty, Kitty, Kitty! How I wish I knew where 
that cat was ! She knows she ought to be in before 
this, however she can sleep in the barn the same as 
she has many times before. (Comes down to table l. 
and begins to search for keys opening oven door 
zvith one hand, but not looking in. Is going to lock 
oven door, finds them finally in basket under patch- 
work and locks door putting keys in dress packet. 
Tim peeps out of air hole in oven door.) Where are 
the keys — I will find them if I have to stay up all 

night. Here (Business.) If I was you, Sally, 

I'd lend Taggs a night gown. I'm glad that she has 
got a little bed to go to. Most everybody has got a 
bed to go to but poor Otis, and where is he now? 
(^TiM strikes oven door loud. Abby starts in dismay 



THE COUNTY FAIR 47 

and points to floor in front.) That sounded right 
there; maybe it was a warning that something is 
going to happen to Otis. I knew it was my imagina- 
tion. Poor Otis! May Heaven watch over that 
dear boy and guard him from the snares of the 
wicked and above all things, deliver him from Wil- 
liam Bungo. (Turns hack to audience, raises dress 
with both hands, takes broom and in turning strikes 
dishes on table with handle. Is very much startled 
at noise, creeps to fireplace cautiously and suddenly 
runs broom up chimney then exits in bedroom door 
R.2.E. imth candle.) 

(Enter Taggs in night-gown with candle which she 
lights.) 

Taggs. (At oven) Tim, are you in there? 

Tim. (Opens air hole and speaks through it) 
Where the devil should I be? 

Taggs. How ever will you get out? 

Tim. Miss Abby has put the keys somewhere in 
the pocket of her dress; wait till she gets to sleep 
and try and see if you can find them and let me out. 

Taggs. Suppose I can't find them? 

Tim. You have got to find them. You got me 
in here and now youVe got to get me out. 

Taggs. Will you hold your tongue? (Going to 
door and peeping in.) 

Tim. What is she doing? 

Taggs. She's putting up her corkscrew curls. 
^Taggs takes poker, opens Abby^s room door cau- 
tiously and lifts dress from peg inside and lets fall 
on floor inside room. Then lies down on her stom- 
ach and draws dress out slinging it over her head 
and turns somersault to middle of stage. Gets up 
and falls over dress, finds keys and opens oven. 



48 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Tim enters from oven.) Now, Tim, get out quick, 
ril get killed if you're found here. 

Tim. (Gets out of oven, stands by table l.) 
Hold on, Taggs; I'd rather be in prison than in a 
place like that ; you are not going to send me away on 
an empty stomach? I say, can't you give a fellow 
something to eat? 

Taggs. I ain't got nothing to give you. 

Tim. Well, chase up something then. 

Taggs. Oh, here is something; grab it quick. 
("Taggs takes bread from pan and gives to Tim J 

Tim. Oh, what a layout. ("Tim dives in dishpan 
which Taggs drops. Abby enters suddenly after 
crash from bedroom door r. in night gown holding 
candle up. She is very much startled until she sees 
Taggs. Tim dodges behind table l. Taggs stands 
front of table facing Abby in c. with tin dish pan 
held behind her. Abby goes round table. Tim 
keeps on opposite side, goes under the table and re- 
sumes his position behind Taggs.J 

Abby. My heart was in my mouth, but I had 
sense enough to swallow it. I knew somebody was 
here. I'm glad it's only you ; but why didn't you 
stay in bed with Sally? 

Taggs. I couldn't, ma'am, because I saw 

Abby. Saw what, dear? 

Taggs. I saw a noise. 

Abby. I saw it a minute ago, but it didn't scare 
me, dear. What kind of a noise was it? 

Taggs. A sort of noisy noise. 

Abby. The very noise that I heard. Hush — 
where was it? Did you see anything? 

Taggs. I don't know, ma'am. ("Tim points up- 
stairs.) It was upstairs. 

Abby. Upstairs ? Is Sally up there, dear ? Is she 
asleep? What's behind you? 

Taggs. Where ? 



THE COUNTY FAIR 49 

Abby. In your hand ? 

Taggs. Oh, the pan, yes'm; I thought I'd hit it 
when it came down. 

Abby. Hit it? Hit what? 

Taggs. The noise. (Screams.) 

Abby. What's that ? 

Taggs. I thought I saw something. 

Abby. You thought you did ? Don't you scream 
when you think anything. Wait until you see some- 
thing. Don't breathe unless you see something. 
Now I'm going to get the broom and go upstairs and 
save Sally's life ! (Business at end of Act. Abby 
starts to get broom and Tim runs toward door strik- 
ing pan in Taggs" hand by mistake. Abby turns 
suddenly startled by noise and seises Tim^s hand 
thinking it is Taggs. Abby holds candle under Tim's 
hand unconsciously, burning him, after moment lets 
go and goes upstairs. Tim rushes to door and exits 
slamming door, noise frightens Abby who slides 
down folding trick stairs.) 

CURTAIN 



ACT II 

Scene : Front yard of Miss Prue's home. 

(Enter Joel r. u. e. at rise of curtain. Walks over 
and picks up pillow on steps of cottage.) 

Joel. Sally! Oh, Sally! I say Sally! Here's a 
pillow, must have fallen out of the window. ^Sally 
enters and stands in doorway of cottage.) This pil- 
low fell out of the window, Sally. 

Sally. How careless of Taggs. (Takes hold of 
pillow and starts to go into house again. Joel still 
holds on to pillow.) 

Joel. Haven't you got anything to say to me 
Sally? (Throws pillow down on steps.) 

Sally. What can I say, I'm so wretched. 

Joel. (Puts arm around Sally and draws her 
down on steps) Sit down here, dear, and we'll talk it 
all over. 

Sally. Well Joel, you haven't been acting very 
nicely. You seem to try and avoid me and when you 
speak it's just as if you were a perfect stranger. 

Joel. (^.) Now, Sally, if you would look at this 
matter in the same light as I do you wouldn't think 
so; here we are engaged to be married and you re- 
ceive letters from strangers. By thunder, it's enough 
to make a fellow mad. (Cross to c.) 

Sally. (Rises and crosses to Joel at c.) Now, 
don't get angry and I'll tell you all about it. Here 
are the letters ; they are from my little brother Tom, 
but he was in such trouble and disgrace he begged 

50 



THE COUNTY FAIR 51 

me not even to mention his name to anybody, but I 
can't keep a secret from you, Joel, and there is no 
use trying. (Takes letters from pocket and holds 
them out to Joel.J 

Joel. ("Joel refuses letters gently) There, Sally, 
keep your letters ; I don't want to read them, and if 
at any time I can help you or the little fellow, why, 
tell me and I'll do it in a minute. 

Sally, (r.) Oh, Joel, how good you are; you 
have made me so happy. 

Joel, (^c.l.j And me, too, Sally, for don't you 
know when I was ofif working in the field all by 
myself and got to thinking of those letters, I felt as 
though I could kill somebody. (Crosses r. Joel 
crosses r. and down and Sally crosses l. and 
down.) 

Sally. (Crosses to L.c.j Why, Joel, you are get- 
ting real dangerous. 

Joel, (r.c.) Fm only dangerous when I'm alone. 

Sally. (Crosses to c. Coming c. to JoelJ Then, 
Joel, I'll take care you are not left alone any more. 

Joel. Then come down in the meadow and help 
me with the haying, for I need a good strong farm 
hand, and this is just the little hand I want. (Takes 
Sally's hand in both his.) 

Sally. I wish I could, but I have got all the house 
work to do. f Sally runs to steps of cottage.) 

Joel. Oh, Sally, I've got a surprise for you ! 

Sally. What is it? (Comes down steps.) 

Joel. I found your little white pullet — she's got 
six little chicks — she stole a nest out in the barn; 
come on and see her. (Exit Sally and Joel through 
gate off R.J 

Abby. (Enters from cottage, stumbling over pil- 
low on steps) Oh, my Lord, what's that! I do 
believe I will break my neck. That's the third time 



52 THE COUNTY FAIR 

to-day I have most broke my neck over things that 
gal's left loose. Taggs, Taggs ! 

Taggs. Ma'am! (Enters R.2.E., eating piece of 
pie. Sits on bench.) 

Abby. (i..c.) I thought you was upstairs doing 
that little bit of chamber-work. Now, I suppose I'll 
have to go up and do it after all. What are you 
eating ? 

Taggs. (^.) Pie. 

Abby. (c.) What, again! That's three times 
to-day you have had pie since breakfast. I can't get 
a pie ahead to save my life. You don't mean to say 
you've gone and cut my last pie ? 

Taggs. Yes, ma'am. 

Abby. (c.) Why don't you eat all the pie you 
know how at the table? 

Taggs. (r.) I do. I eat awful at regular meals, 
but half way between I get half starved. Did you 
get your letter, Miss Abby? 

Abby. Don't mention letters; I am nearly dis- 
tracted. (Sits in chair.) Three letters have I had 
from Otis, and not one blessed word did he say about 
his brother, John, whether he's dead, buried or any- 
thing else; all he does say is some rigmarole he saw 
at the Academy of Music. A singing school, I sup- 
pose? 

Taggs. Well, I should smile, that ain't no singing 
school. I've been there before in the gallery. It's a 
ballet. 

Abby. What's a ballet? 

Taggs. A sort of can-can. 

Abby. I never could bear canned fruits of any 
kind. For my part I think they lose their natural 
flavor. 

Taggs. This ain't no canned fruits. Don't you 
know what a ballet is ? f Taggs rises and crosses to 
Abby c.) 



THE COUNTY FAIR 53 

Abby. No, child, I don't think I ever had one. 

Taggs. It's a lot of women dressed like fairies. 

Abby. Dressed like fairies! Thafs a horse of 
another color. There is no such critters except in 
story books. 

Taggs. Oh, yes, there is, ma'am. 

Abby. (c.) I've seen fairies in valentine and 
story books. And then they ain't over and above 
dressed, dressed how, dear? 

Taggs. Gauze dresses you can see through up to 
about here, and the waist cut down to there. ('Taggs 
motions to point just above her knees, also just above 
her waist.) 

Abby. (Horrified, catches Taggs by hand and 
shakes her) Law, child, if I live till tea time, I'll 
write a letter to Mrs. Wilson and tell her of the 
wicked stories you tell me every day. 

Taggs. Please don't, ma'am ; I'll lift my left hand 
up. 

Abby. Women dressed like that! (Rises.) 

Taggs. Yes, ma'am. 

Abby. How many ? (Sits.) 

Taggs. Loads of them. 

Abby. Does anybody see them? 

Taggs. Everybody. 

Abby. My stars, child, what do they do? 

Taggs. They come out to grand music and do 
this! (Dancing. Taggs gives imitation of ballet 
dance ending by kicking in Abby's face.) 

Abby. Kind of a spring-halt ; can't they be cured ? 
Great suds and seeds, do you suppose Otis saw any- 
thing like that ? 

Taggs. Bet a dollar he had a seat in the front 
row. 

Abby. Now, I know what they mean by ballet 
reform! I won't say anything more about pie, 
child, but don't tell the neiorhbors about it. as the 



54 THE COUNTY FAIR 

neighbors always thought well of Otis, and I 
wouldn't have them think different for the world. 
Well, — (Rises,) — upon my word, if that ain't my 
sunbonnet on that ladder. (^Abby goes to ladder 
and climhs up about three rounds when she slips with 
one leg through between the rounds, she is trying to 
extricate herself when Otis comes in through gate, 
when she lets ladder fall.) 

Taggs. I never touched it, ma'am. 

Abby. I don't suppose you did; that sunbonnet 
goes all over the farm itself. 

Taggs. Snakes! ^Abby slips. Exit Taggs r. 
2.eJ 

(Enter Otis with carpet hag c. from R.J 

Abby. (^l.J Law, Otis, you don't mean to say 
that's you ? I thought it was a peddler. (Otis takes 
hat off to Miss Abby in funny manner.) 

Otis, (c.) Guess it is. (Crosses to bench r.c. 
and puts down carpet hag.) 

Abby. You don't mean to say you've got back? 

Otis. It looks like it — don't it ? 

Abby. When it comes to that I don't know what 
it looks like. Why didn't you stay down in New 
York City all summer while you were about it? 

Otis. I did stay there quite a spell. (Sits down 
on bench.) 

Abby. (c.) Quite a spell. Your farm has gone 
to rack and ruin and your sister is nigh on to dis- 
traction. What kept you down there all this time ? 

Otis. Seen so many interesting things, I couldn't 
get away. 

Abby. What's the most interesting thing you did 
see there ? 

Otis. (Seated R.J That would be kind of hard 
to say. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 55 

Abby. Hard to say ! I should think it would be 
and don't you dare say it! Bet a dollar it was the 
ballet. I'll show you what it was. (Gives imitation 
of Taggs ending with high kick in front of Otis. J 
Did you see anything like that in New York City? 

Otis. (Agitated) No, and I don't think nobody 
else ever did, either. 

Abby. You said in your letter you went to the 
Academy of Music ; now what did you see there? 

Otis, (r.c.) ' I saw a conference of Methodist 
Ministers. 

Abby. (r.) My stars! Where is that girl? 
(Going toward cottage.) 

Otis, (c.) How do you think I am looking, Miss 
Abby? (Standing up and turning round to show 
clothes.) 

Abby. Like a natural born fool. Where did you 
get them? 

Otis. Brother John give it to me. That's regu- 
lar store clothes. That boy has got a heart in him 
bigger than an ox. 

(Enter Sally from cottage, crosses over and shakes 
hands with Otis, turns him round and admires 
him, and then goes down R.J 

Sally. Why, Otis, how nice you are looking ! 

Otis. I'm a regular town dude, now. How's 
Joel? 

Abby. Oh, your brother John, how is he? Able 
to set up? 

Sally. He must have been glad to see you. 

Otis. No, he wasn't glad to see me. 

Abby. Wasn't glad to see you? 

Otis. No! He was madder than a wet hen. 

Abby. You don't say! What was he mad at? 

Otis. Well he came into the office just as I was 



56 THE COUNTY FAIR 

passing some of them doughnuts you give me around 
in my hat to the hired help there and he got awful 
mad. 

Abby. There weren't doughnuts enough to go 
around ? 

Otis. He said I ought to have gone to an eating 
house. 

Abby. Go to a meeting house ? 

Sally. Did you buy anything in New York, 
Otis? 

Otis. Did I buy anything? 

Abby. Now I bet a dollar that boy has been 
extravagant ; I can see it by his eyes. 

Otis. (Goes to carpet bag on bench and takes 
out hat) Wait until I show you what I bought for 
Miss Abby. 

Abby. He bought a sack of peanuts, I bet a dol- 
lar. 

Otis. Look at that ! (Holding hat up.) 

Abby. My stars ! I never saw so much grandeur 
and elegance in my life. 

Sally. (Takes hat from Otis and hands to 
Abbyj Oh, how good of you, Otis. 

Abby. (^c.l. J Well, I never ! Otis, what kind of 
feathers are these? 

Otis, (c.r.) The man in the store said that as 
how they was the tail feathers of a looloo bird. 
fSALLY c. Places hat on Abby's head and goes 
back to bench r.) 

Abby. Aren't the tail feathers of a looloo bird 
a little young for me? 

Otis. Oh, no, they are just the thing for you. 
(Crosses l. falling over ladder, splits coat up back 
in falling.) 

Abby. (c.) What is the matter ? 

Otis. I didn't see the ladder. 

Abby. You see it now, don't you. Suppose you 



THE COUNTY FAIR 57 

pick it up. (^Otis picks up ladder and places it 
against wall of cottage.) My land, look behind you. 
I have often heard of a man being broke up but I 
never heard of one being split before. (Exit Abby, 
Otis and Sally into cottage, Otis first, followed 
by Abby and Sally, laughing.) 

(Enter Taggs through gate with pail, goes to well r. 
puts rocks in bucket.) 

Taggs. I guess I'll fill this pail with rocks, then 
Miss Abby will have rocky tea for supper. (Enter 
Tim r. u. e.) Tim, you frighten me. Come on — 
the coast is clear. You can't steal nothing around 
here. (As Tim takes hold of bucket.) 

Tim. I don't want to steal nothing. I have had 
enough of that. 

Taggs. Where have you been since you skipped 
that night? '- - 

Tim. (^r.cJ I have tried so hard to get some 
work. I have had an awful time of it. How I 
wish I could get a job here. (Crosses r.) 

Taggs. (c.) Well, they want a man, Tim, for I 
heard Joel tell Miss Abby so. 

Tim. (r.c.) Oh, Taggs, if I could only get the 
job, I'd try so hard to do the square thing. (Sits on 
bench.) 

Taggs. I know you would, Tim; why don't you 
ask her? 

Tim. It wouldn't do any good. They'd want to 
know who I was and where I'd been. You can't get 
a job without some kind of a recommend. 

Taggs. (c. Strikes attitude) I will give you 
one. 

Tim. a recommend from you would land me in 
jail again. 

Taggs. You don't know me. I'll tell you what 



58 THE COUNTY FAIR 

rU do. You go out into the barn. I'll give her the 
straight tip and when IVe got her dead, I'll call you. 
Go quick before she sees you. 

Tim. (Rises) All right. Now, Taggs, not a 
word about my being in prison, remember. No 
funny business. (Exit Tim through gate off -r.) 

Taggs. No. Mum's the word, Tim. I'm "fly!" 
(^Taggs calls Abby through door.) Oh, Miss Abby, 
there's an awful nice man out here says he wants a 
job. 

Abby. (In house) Send him to Joel. 

Taggs. But he has lost his recommend. 

Abby. (Enter Abby from cottage, hands full of 
flour) Three times I have had to take my hands 
out of the flour doing my best to make a pan of hot 
biscuit for Otis. If the man has lost his character, 
send him off and don't bother with him. 

Taggs. Can't! He's a friend of mine. 

Abby. (Up by steps, l.c.) Law, child, you 
don't say you know him. I didn't know there was 
anybody in this part of the country you knew. Who 
is he, what is he and where is he? 

Taggs. (c.) You know what a good man our 
minister is? 

Abby. (c.l.) He is one of the salt of the earth, 
if ever there was any. 

Taggs. Well, you know our minister can't touch 
him. 

Abby. Can't touch him ! Why what's the matter 
with him ? Is he a leper ? 

Taggs. Na. He's so good. 

Abby. ("l.c. J Why, then, he must be a saint and 
nothing short. 

Taggs. Why, he was right bower of our mis- 
sion. 

Abby. Right bower? Right bower? Where on 
earth did I hear of the right bower? I have heard 



THE COUNTY FAIR 59 

that before ! Didn't I hear that a year ago at Con- 
ference ! 

Taggs. (c.) Yes, ma'am, you did. 

Abby, I suppose that's what they call him in New 
York. Up here we would call him a lay brother. 

Taggs. That's it exactly; he used to lay around 
the corners and preach to the gang. He used to give 
a thanksgiving dinner to all the newsboys in New 
York City. 

Abby. Did he? And how's he looking for work 
as a farm hand? He ought to have stayed on that 
farm in New York City. How came he up here, 
anyway ? 

Taggs. Well, you see, ma'am, the chaplain of the 
prison 

Abby. Prison ! What prison ? 

Taggs. Where he made tracks. 

Abby. Where he made tracks? 

Taggs. Where he give tracts; the chaplain said 
he ought to go into the country. 

Abby. For what? 

Taggs. For his country's good! (Striking atti- 
tude.) 

Abby. Well, you have the backhandedest way of 
telling anything of anybody I ever heard in my life. 
What you mean is the man went to prison and gave 
tracts to do good. Well, ain't I stupid ! 

Taggs. ("c.r.j Yes, ma'am. 

Abby. (c.) Upon my word you needn't tell me 
that. Ah, Taggs, that's a man after my own heart. 
I shall like him ; I know I shall. 

Taggs. fc.R.J I knew you would. 

Abby. (c.) What's his name? 

Taggs. It's Tim. 

Abby. (Catches Taggs by hand again) Sh — 
calling a man like that by a nickname. Mr. Timothy 
— what's the rest of it ? Sally, come out here, quick J 



6o THE COUNTY FAIR 

There's a man out here and I don't want to see him 
alone. (Goes down r., smoothing apron, fixing hair, 
etc. Sally enters from house with knitting work.) 

Taggs. It's all right, Tim, come on ! (Calling 
Tim at gate.) 

Abby. My child, I hadn't but just got the words 
out of my mouth and you called him Tim again. 
What does he think we are — a set of savages ? There 
he is right behind me ; my hands are all flour and a 
dirty apron; and I believe my back hair is coming 
down. (Enter Tim r. u. e.J My stars, what will 
the gentleman say? (Crosses to c.r.J Why, my 
child is that the right bower ? (Turns and sees Tim 
and is surprised at his ragged looks.) 

Taggs. (c. Takes Tim's hand and both how 
very low) This is Mr. T — tanner, Mr. Timothy 
Tanner. 

Abby. (cjk.) I am awfully glad to know you. 
My name is 

Taggs. Abby — Miss Abby. 

Sally, (h.) Miss Abigail Prue, Taggs. 

Taggs. That's her name; Miss Abigail Prue, 
Taggs. 

Abby. I think you have said quite enough. You'd 
better go into the kitchen and put that mince meat 
on the back of the stove and look at the rice pudding 
in the oven. 

Taggs. Yes, ma'am. (Crosses to cottage.) Brace 
up, Tim. (Exit Taggs in cottage.) 

Abby. (c.) This is Sally, Mr. Tanner. 

Sally. (Goes up to gate after shaking hands 
with Tanner, and stands at gate knitting stocking) 
Glad to know you, sir. 

Tim. Yes, ma'am. 

Abby. (c.) Taggs has told me all about you. 

Tim. Cc.l.J Has she, ma'am? (Aside.) Now 
I wonder what the devil she has told ! 



THE COUNTY FAIR 6i 

Abby. I feel as you might say that we were 
acquainted. From the nature of your work that she 
told me of, it was very good of you to take your 
friend's advice in prison. 

Tim. In prison ; did she tell you I was in prison? 

Abby. (c.) Yes, all about it. (During this dia- 
logue Abby c. and Tim l.c.J 

Tim. And that I 

Abby. Yes, all about everything, and that the 
chaplain of the prison said you ought to go into the 
country — didn't he? 

Tim. Oh, yes. The chaplain of the prison 

Abby. Said you ought to go into the country, 
didn't he? 

Tim. Oh, yes, so he did. Darn that girl! 

Abby. (Aside, after looking at ragged clothes) 
Well, bless his heart; maybe he gave all he had to 
the poor. You were thinking of something else! 
Your mind was off. 

Tim. Way ofe. 

Abby, It was so good of you to go to prison in 
the first place. 

Tim. Was it, ma'am? 

Abby. Why you know it was. It's only your 
modesty makes you say that. You have got 
modesty. 

Tim. Yes'm, a little of it. 

Abby. It must have torn your heart strings to 
have left your work there? 

Tim. fc.L.j Yes'm, it was rather hard to get 
away. 

Abby. I wish I could have been there with 
you. 

Tim. Great Heavens, what is she giving me. 

Abby. (c.) You know I have longed for just 
such an opportunity as that all my life. How large 
did you say your class was? 



62 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Tim. My class? 

Sally. (Coming down quickly l. of Tiu) Class? 
How nice! I have got a class of five boys; how 
many have you got in yours. 

Tim. Did Taggs tell you I had a class? What 
kind of a class ? 

Abby. Taggs said you had a Bible class, in Sab- 
bath school. 

Tim. Oh, a Bible class, oh, yes. Well, ma'am, 
you see it was larger at times than at others. 

Abby. How singular. Do you know that has 
just been my experience exactly but I never noticed 
it till you called my attention to it, but just before 
Christmas, or just when we were going to have a 
picnic our school was larger than at any other time. 
I guess on the whole I'd be justified in calling. 
(Going to bench and taking horn and blowing it. 
Sally turns up stage.) 

Tim. I'll be darned if she ain*t called the police. 
(Runs over to r. corner.) 

(Enter Joel at gate, stops.) 

Abby. (Goes up to him. On l.) Why, Joel, 
where were you ? I was blowing my lungs out think- 
ing that you were away down in the South Meadow. 
(^Abby crosses to r. of Joel near door.) 

Joel. I went down there. Miss Abby, and 
brought back the colt, and I have just been out to the 
barn. 

Abby. Mr. Joel, Mr. Tanner. You will find Joel 
an awful nice man to work with. Any arrangement 
you can make with Joel will be all right, for Mr. 
Tanner has kindly come up into the country for his 
health. ("Tanner bows to Joel from where he 
stands, Joel eyeing him critically.) 



THE COUNTY FAIR 63 

Joel. Well, Miss Abby, I don't know as we have 
much work that a sick man could do. 

Tim. Oh, I ain't sick; all I want is a change of 
air and I can do as good a day's work as the next 
man. Won't you give me a chance? (Holds out 
hand.) 

Joel. (After a pause) Oh, well, we will get 
along nicely together. (Shakes hands, goes up to 
gate.) 

Abby. (c.) He will do if you will feed him up 
some. Hitch up the cart and get Mr. Tanner's 
trunk. You can do it before dinner. 

Joel. All right, Miss Abby. ("Sally goes up to 
Joel at gate.) 

Tim. f C.R.J I didn't bring any trunk. 

Abby. (c.) Don't you need it? Don't you want 
it? 

Tim. I'll send for it. 

Abby. All right, I would if I was you. Now, 
Sally, stop gallivanting and go in and help with the 
dinner. (Goes to steps of cottage,) 

(Exit Abby and Sally in cottage.) 

Joel. (At gate) Come along, Tanner, pick up 
that pail. We haven't got a great deal of time, but 
we'll look around a little before dinner. 

Tim. ("Tanner picks up pail and starts to gate) 
All right, sir. 

(Enter Solon at gate from l.) 

Solon. 'Morning, Joel ! 
Joel. Good morning, Solon. 
Solon. Engaging new hand? 
Joel. Thinking some on it. (Exit l.u.e. Solon 
and Tim eye each other ^ stepping round simultane- 



64 THE COUNTY FAIR 

ously until Tim gets opposite gate when he makes 
motion with hand at Solon and exits.) 

Solon. Why, who the devil is that fellow? I've 
seen his face before somewhere I know, and I'm not 
one to forget faces. I'll bet a dollar he's some thief 
I've seen up at the county courthouse. I will ask 
Miss Prue. 

Solon. Miss Prue ! Miss Prue ! 

Abby. (Enters from cottage) Taggs, where are 
those potatoes ? They ought to have been on the fire 
long ago. 

Solon. (^c.r.J Who is the man with the pail ? 

Abby. Oh, that's our pail. 

Solon. No! No! The man! Who is he? 

Abby. (c.) Why, don't you go and find out for 
yourself? It's Mr. Tanner. 

Solon. Mr. Tanner — who is he? Where is he 
from? 

Abby. New York City. 

Solon. What is he doing here? 

Abby. My stars and garters! Can't I hire an 
ordinary farm hand without your meddling with it? 
Excuse me, but I don't think it's none of your 
business. (Starts hack in house.) 

Solon. All right, if you know who he is and all 
about him, but he looked to me like a thief that I've 
seen at the County Court house ; same time, if you 
know him and all about him I suppose it's all right. 

Abby. A thief? (Aside.) I'm blessed if he 
don't look more like a thief than a saint. Taggs has 
told so many different stories I don't believe she 
ever saw him either. 

Solon. Who recommended him? 

Abby. Taggs. 

Solon. Who recommended Taggs? 

Abby. Nobody, that is they had more children at 
the mission than they could find homes for, so they 



THE COUNTY FAIR 65 

gave her a letter, sent her up here, and here she is. 
Now, I am going in to finish my baking. I can't stay 
here and gossip. I smell pie burning. (Starting for 
house again.) 

Solon. You come right here and listen to the 
constable of this here district. 

Abby. My stars! What is it? 

Solon. Can't you see through a millstone with a 
hole in it? That girl never came from no mission. 
That fellow he writ the letter, sent her here and now 
she's fixed and recommends him. I'll bet a dollar 
by this time, she knows where everything in the 
house is. 

Abby. Well, I should say she did. She's ran- 
sacked every drawer and box in that house from the 
cellar to the garret. 

Solon. Yes, and the first thing you know she will 
be robbing the house and skip. 

Abby. Rob the house and what? 

Solon. Yes, rob the house and skip, and the next 
thing you know they'll burn the house down over 
your head. 

Abby. Burn the house down ? 

Solon. Yes, they belong to a regular organized 
gang of thieves, and doing this thing all over the 
country. 

Sally. (Enters from cottage) Good morning, 
Mr. Hammerhead. Oh, Miss Abby, have you seen 
my silver thimble? I can't find it anywhere. 

Solon. See there, what did I tell you, and what's 
more, you will never see it. I am going straight 
home and get my handcuffs. It'll be a lucky thing 
for us all if I can arrest this gang of thieves without 
bloodshed. (Exit c. off l. Abby crosses to bench 
R. and sits down.) 

Sally. Miss Abby, what's he talking about? 
(Follows Abby to bench.) 



66 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. Bloodshed, did you hear him? Blood- 
shed? My child, it will be a merciful Providence if 
we don't wake up some morning and find ourselves 
murdered in our beds. 

Sally. Oh, Miss Abby, what are you saying? 

Abby. My child, there is a regular gang of 
thieves here waiting to burn the house down and rob 
the place. Maybe they are looking at us now and 
hearing every word we say, and who do you think 
they are? 

Sally. Who ? 

Abby. Tanner and Taggs. 

Sally. Impossible. Who says so, I would like 
to know ? 

Abby. Why, Hammerhead, the constable. 

Sally. What, Taggs? That child? Why, Miss 
Abby, she's no more a thief than I am. Do you 
believe that child could kneel beside our bed as she 
does every night and say her prayers and be a thief ? 

Abby. Do you think so, Sally? 

Sally. I not only think so, but I know so; be- 
cause that Hammerhead, that snake in the grass says 
she's a thief does it make her one? Why, Miss 
Abby, I'm perfectly astonished that you, knowing 
that man as you do, should believe one single word 
that he says. (Crosses down L.) 

Abby. I don't, and what's more, I never did. At 
the same time whenever that critter comes around 
here he gets me so riled I don't know what I am 
doing. But then there's your thimble that you can't 
find anywhere. 

Sally. Maybe it's in your pocket or in mine 
somewhere round the house. 

Abby. (c.) Why don't you look for it ; it may 
be in the table drawer or in the window seat; look 
in Taggs' work box and see if it's there. 

Sally. Just to satisfy you I'll go, but if it is 



THE COUNTY FAIR 67 

there it doesn't prove anything, now does it? She 
knows she's as welcome to use my things as if they 
were her own. (Exit Sally in cottage.) 

Abby. I'll scald that Hammerhead the next time 
he comes around here. Why didn't I do it when he 
was here ? I never think of these things in time. 

(Enter Sally with workhox in one hand and watch 
in other.) 

Sally. (c.\..) Oh, Miss Abby, see here. (Hold- 
ing up watch, standing on steps.) 

Abby. (c.) What, Otis' watch in Taggs' work 
box? Sally, don't tell me that, I never dreamed it 
could be as bad as that. . 

Sally. Don't say a word, Miss Abby, perhaps 
she can explain it. (Crosses bench down r.) 

Abby. (c.) I don't think any explanation is 
necessary. She has actually gone so far as to steal 
that out of Otis' pocket for he is asleep now in the 
sitting room. Now, you see, Sally, every word that 
Hammerhead said was true as gospel and I knew 
it. How many times have I been told I'm not the 
proper person to bring her up. Well, my mind is 
made up to one thing; I shall send her back to the 
mission where she came from, and send her back 
to-night. 

Sally. (^r.J Not to-night. Miss Abby, not to- 
night. 

Abby. (Goes and sits next to SallyJ Yes, to- 
night, for to-morrow I might change my mind. 

('Taggs enters and goes behind bench and kisses 
Abby first and offers her a bunch of violets. 
Abby refuses and rises. Then she offers them 
to Sally^ who also refuses them.) 



68 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Taggs. Miss Abby, here's some violets. What's 
the matter? 

Abby. (Rises, crosses to c.) Taggs, you have 
Hved here quite a spell and I have tried to make your 
little home a happy one, but it's no use; you can't 
live here any longer ; you have got to go back to New 
York City where you came from, and go to-night. 
(^Taggs then follows Abby to c.) 

Taggs. fc.R.) And not live here any longer? 
You don't mean that, Miss Abby? 

Sally, (r.) Come, Taggs, be a little woman; 
perhaps it's all for the best, f Taggs goes to Sally, 
who puts her arms about her. Both go towards cot- 
tage.) 

Taggs. Don't let her send me away, Sally; it's 
the only home I ever had. 

(Exit Sally and Taggs in cottage. Enter Tim 
through gate with bucket, goes toward spring 
whistling.) 

Abby. (c. Crying) Well, if this is the straight 
and narrow path, it's the ruggedest road that ever I 
travelled. Come here. Tanner. 

Tim. (c.R.) Yes'm, just as soon as I get this 
pail of water for Joel. 

Abby. (^c.l. and Tim about c.) Don't you med- 
dle with the water, the pail or anything else on this 
farm ; all I want you to do is to leave the farm, and 
the sooner the better ; that is all. 

Tim. (c.) So I'm to go, am I? ("Tim drops 
bucket.) 

Abby. That's what I said. 

Tim. Oh, it's nothing more than I expected. 

Abby. I don't know what you expected, but 
you're not disappointed then, and I'm not surprised 
at it, coming here as you did to rob this place. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 69 

Tim. It's a lie ! I'd no more take anything from 
this place — why than I would sell a race. Great 
Heavens, Miss Abby, can't you see that I'm Sally's 
brother Tom ? 

Abby. (Very much surprised) And does Sally 
know who you are? 

Tim. No, I wrote two letters to her, and she 
never answered either. 

Abby. And knowing this, how could you have 
the heart to come here and rob your sister's home? 

Tim. I didn't come here to steal — on my oath, I 
didn't. 

Abby. Still, you've been in prison for stealing ? 

Tim. Well, I have been in prison, and I was a 
thief. They said I stole a horse when I was only a 
boy and they sent me to the penitentiary, but it 
wasn't long before I found out where I was and 
what I had done. Oh, Miss Abby, what I suffered 
in that place God alone knows, counting the days, 
weeks and months until at last I was free — free to be 
a man again. I got work and though I tried so hard 
to do what's right as soon as they found that I was 
a jailbird they discharged me the same as you are 
doing. My own sister denies me. What is left for 
me but to become a thief! And remain one? 
(Turns away with head on arm crying.) 

Abby. Not a thief. Tommy, not a thief. 

Tim. Yes, a thief; for there's not one hand on 
God's earth held out to help me. 

Abby. Tommy, I'll help you if I die for it, I 
don't care what they think. 

Tim. (Turning quickly and grasping Abby's 
hand) You will, ma'am? 

Abby. Yes, Tommy, but it was a tight pull. But 
oh, I forgot something, the constable has gone to 
get something to arrest you with. 

Tim. To arrest me? For what? 



70 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. For being a superstitious character. 

Tim. Oh, don't let them take me ; don't let them 
take me. 

Abby. Well, get under that tub and hide. Now 
I have got a tub full of trouble. fTiM hides behind 
tub back of bench which Abby sits on spreading 
skirts.) 

(Enter Sally and Taggs from cottage. Taggs has 
resumed her 1st Act garments and has tin type 
in one hand and her bag in the other,) 

Sally, (c.) I couldn't do a thing with her. She 
would put on her old clothes and wouldn't take a 
single thing you gave her. 

Abby. (c.r. Starts to rise from tub, Tim pulls her 
back by dress) Oh, then it's all right ; let her do as 
she has a mind to. 

Taggs. (c.l.) Yes, ma'am, there was something 
I wanted to take; I wanted to take your picture. 
(Holding out tin-type.) 

Abby. It's not mine, child, it's my poor sister 
Mercy's; there's dozens around the house and you 
can have it if you want to. 

Taggs. Thank you, ma'am. It looks like some- 
body I used to know once. 

(Enter Joel through gate from L.) 

Abby. Here, Joel, hitch up the little cart and take 
Taggs over to the railroad. She's not going to live 
here any longer. ^Taggs goes up to Joel crying, 
who takes her in his arms.) 

Joel. Oh, Miss Abby, you're not going to send 
little Taggs away? 

Abby. (Tries to rise from tub again, but is 
restrained) Sally, have you got my pocket book in 



THE COUNTY FAIR 71 

your pocket? Give her five dollars for herself and 
five to buy the railroad, and tell Mrs. Wilson at the 
mission I'll write her a letter. (During this speech 
Taggs comes down to Sally who embraces her.) 

Taggs. I ain't going back to no mission, ma'am. 

Sally, (l.) Oh Taggs, dear, where will you go ? 

Taggs. I don't know, but I'll sell newspapers; 
I'll do something. I'm old enough and big enough to 
take care of myself. 

Abby. It is just what I feared and suspected 
from the first. 

(Enter Otis from cottage.) 

Otis. (Standing near steps down l.) Why, 
what's the matter? 

Abby. That child has taken so many things from 
here, it wouldn't be safe to keep her any longer. 

Taggs. Oh, ma'am, I never did take nothing — 
except it was mince pie. 

Abby. (Rises) Taggs, telling a wicked story 
won't help the matter any. Why, Otis, she actually 
went so far as to steal your watch out of your waist- 
coat pocket, while you were asleep in the sitting- 
room. 

Otis. (Surprised) I'll be darned! 

Abby. We afterwards found it in her little work- 
box where she put it herself. Now, if that ain't 
enough to convict the most prejudiced mind, I'd 
like to know what is. 

Otis. Hold on, Miss Abby, hold on ! Why, don't 
you remember that night I went to New York City ? 

Abby. Only too well. 

Otis. Well, I was afeard I would lose that watch 
so I put it in that there workbox myself. 

Abby. You didn't! 

Otis. Yes, I did. 



72 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. And you? (Turning to Taggs.J 
Taggs. I never saw it before in all m}^ life. 
fTAGGS runs to Miss Abby, who takes her to left 
side with arm around her, while Tim is on right side 
a moment later.) 

Abby. My child, my child ! Otis Tucker, to the 
day of your death, I'll never forgive you for trying 
to make a thief of this poor innocent dear. 

(Enter Solon c. from l.) 

Solon. Where are they? Where are they? fTiM 
runs to Miss Abby from behind tub.) 

Abby. Here they are and by thunder, here they 
stay. 

Joel. (Enters from gate and throws up his hat) 
Hurrah for you ! 

CURTAIN 




^ 






^ 



ACT III 

Scene : Interior of barn. 

Discovered: Taggs. Tim rides on at rise of cur- 
tain and dismounting l., puts Cold Molasses in 
stall. 

(Enter Tim, c. from rJ 

Tim. Tried him again to-day, and you bet your 
life he can beat the record. 

Taggs. (r.) You bet, he'll get there every time. 

(Enter Sally c. from l.J 

Sally. (Coming down c. slightly.) Tim, this 
running off on Cold Molasses has just got to be 
stopped ! 

Tim. ^l.c.J I was only exercising him, Miss. 

Sally. Exercising him ! It makes no difference, 
Miss Abby said time and time again under no cir- 
cumstances were you to drive or ride that colt again. 
Now, Tim, I think it's very strange after so much 
has been said about it that you still persist in doing 
so. (Exit Sally c.r. — c. to R.j 

Taggs. (c.r.) Why don't you tell her, Tim ? 

Tim. (ex..) Call her back and I will. 

Taggs. Oh, Sally, come here ; we've got a secret 
to tell you. Promise you won't tell ? 

("Sally enters c, from r. and comes down between 

Tim and Taggs.J 

72> 



74 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Sally, (c.) I don't know — I won't promise. 

Taggs. (r.) Oh, do promise! You know old 
Slammerhead, you know how he has been worrying 
Miss Abby about the mortgage on this farm. Now, 
if she should lose the farm, whatever would become 
of us? (Takes Sally by both hands.) 

Sally. Don't you fret, Taggs — Miss Abby will 
look after you. What I'm thinking of is Miss Abby 
herself. It would break her heart to lose her home. 
("Sally comes r.) 

Taggs. (c.) That's just what we've been think- 
ing, so we intend to pay of¥ the mortgage. 

Sally. Pay off the mortgage, Taggs? Are you 
crazy? (Back to c.) 

Taggs. (Tough business with bonnet and crosses 
R.) Well, we're just the ducks that can do it. All 
right, Tim — now you can tell her. (Crosses to l. 

of TiM.j 

Tim. (c.) Well, you see Miss Sally, the first 
thing that struck me when I came on this farm was 
that that colt was a good one. I didn't know any- 
thing about the mortgage then, but when I did, I 
went up to Burlington, arranged to run him in the 
County Fair. 

Sally, (r.) What in the world has Cold Molas- 
ses and the County Fair got to do with paying off 
the mortgage? 

Tim. Everything. Why you see, Miss, all the 
horses run, and the one that makes the best time 
gets a purse of three thousand dollars. 

Sally. Three thousand dollars. 

Tim. And I'll stake my life on that colt; I have 
got a list of all the horses that are going to run and 
the best time they ever made and Cold Molasses 
beats it easy. Don't you, old boy? (Turning to 
horse.) 



THE COUNTY FAIR 75 

Sally. Oh, Tim, and will we get the whole 
three thousand dollars? 

Tim. Every cent of it — it's a cinch. (Crosses to 
L., to stall.) 

Sally, (c.) But wouldn't it be wicked? If 
Miss Abby thought it was, she wouldn't touch it. 

Tim. We won't say anything about it until we 
hand her the money. 

Sally. Oh, what a surprise that will be, Taggs. 

Taggs. (c) Didn't Miss Abby win the prize 
for the best bed tick in the County Fair ? 

Sally. Yes, I know she did, and the best bed- 
quilt. 

Tim. Well, what's the difference between a prize 
quilt and a prize horse? Only you get the more 
money with the horse. 

Sally. All right, Tim ; what do you want me to 
do to help you ? 

Tim. Well, you see. Miss, all I want is a little 
money for the entrance fee. 

Sally. (^Sally swings sun bonnet by strings) 
Oh, I can let you have that. How much do you 
want? 

Tim. You can? Only twenty-five dollars. 

Sally. Twenty-five dollars! What a lot of 
money ! Oh, Tim, all I've got in the world is seven 
dollars. 

Tim. And I have got two. 

Taggs. (Sitting on pile of corn-husks) And I've 
got thirty-nine cents. 

Sally. That makes nine dollars. 

Taggs. And thirty-nine cents. 

Sally. I'll tell you what I'll do, Tim. I'll speak 
to Otis; he'll do anything in the world for Miss 
Abby. There he goes now and I'll head him off 
before he gets to the house. (Pointing off c. Starts 
off up c. by R.i.E.^ is stopped by TiM.j 



^6 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Tim. Sally! 
Sally. Well? 

Tim. Don't let him tell Miss Abby anything 
about it. 

Sally. You leave him to me, Tim. (Exit Sally 

R.I.E.^ 

Tim. (^Tim and Taggs join hands and do war 
whoop and dance toward c.j I wonder if that old 
goose is to be trusted. He tells Miss Abby every- 
thing. 

Taggs. (Crosses to r. Singing) Oh, that will 
be joyful, joyful, joyful, oh that will be joyful, when 
we win the race. 

(Enter Sally with Otis c. from r.) 

Sally. (Comes down c. holding Otis' arm l. 
Taggs r.) Oh, Otis, what a scene it will be ; every- 
body in the County will be there, the music playing, 
the flags flying, the jockeys in their gay colored suits, 
the horses straining every nerve, just flying — the 
crowd cheering, and there's our horse 

Otis. Coming in behind all the rest. 

Tim. (l.) I never saw a horse yet that could 
beat Cold Molasses, and I have spent most of my 
life on race tracks, too. 

Sally. (Surprised, turns to TimJ Why, Tim, 
what did you do on a race-track ? 

Tim. Why, I used to run horses, ma'am. (On 
his guard.) 

Sally. Oh, say, did you know a little fellow 
named Tommy Greenaway? 

Tim. Tommy Greenaway? 

Sally. He's my brother. 

Tim. How big is he, as big as me? 

Sally. Oh no, he was only a little fellow. 

Tim. Oh, yes, ma'am. I have seen him. 



THE COUNTY FAIR ^j 

Sally. Where is he now? 
Tim. It would be pretty hard to say where he is 
now, Miss. (^Sally goes up stage c.L.j 

(Enter Joel c. from l.) 

Joel. (c. Coming down to Tim quickly with 
piece of harness in hand) Look here, Tim, what 
do you mean by running off on Cold Molasses after 
what IVe said about it? 

Tim. (l.) I didn't hurt the horse any. 

Joel. Who said anything about your hurting the 
horse? Now, I want you to understand if you take 
that colt out again and run him as you did today, 
1*11 give you the soundest thrashing you ever had in 
your life. fJoEL makes pass at Tim with harness 
and Tim jumps out of reach. Otis and Taggs up 

R.C.) 

Tim. You can't do it, see? 

Sally. Oh, Joel, there is no occasion for you to 
get angry. I told Tim he could use that horse 
whenever he wanted to. 

Joel. Then I make particular request that you 
forbid him to use him in the future. 

Sally. I shall do nothing of the sort. 

Joel. Oh, very well, then — do as you please, the 
pair of you. f Joel stands r._, facing audience and 
Taggs comes behind with straw and tickles him on 
neck, he turns suddenly and she dodges away; Joel 
then crosses to r. and sits on bench r.) 

Otis. (Comes down l. to Sally, c.l.J That's a 
big pile of money, Sally, that is ; but seeing how it's 
for Miss Abby, I guess I'll have to raise it if I have 
to beg, borrow or steal it. (Tiu and Taggs up- 
stage.) 

Sally. Oh, Otis, how good you are. Bless your 
dear old generous heart. I don't know how we 



78 THE COUNTY FAIR 

could ever have got along without you. (Otis em- 
braces Sally until Abby enters when he turns 
sheepishly away. Abby enters c, stops suddenly in 
door. From l.) 

Abby. (c.) Don't let me disturb you, Otis; I 
thought I heard you drive up sometime sence, but 
seeing as how you did not come in, I thought I must 
be mistaken. (Sally turns up stage and finally sits 
L.2.E. on stool.) 

Otis. (l.c. Abby comes down c.) You see, Miss 
Abby, I come out to the barn thinking I might find 
you here. 

Abby. Well, Otis Tucker, I think you've been 
here most times enough to know I don't live in the 
barn. Joel Bartlett, what earthly use are you on 
this farm anyhow? You pretend to run the farm, 
but that's all you do, for everything on the farm runs 
itself full chisel. If I have asked you once, I have 
forty times, about speaking to that boy about run- 
ning off with that horse. ('Otis sits beside Sally 
on bench L.J 

Joel. I did tell him. 

Abby. If you did tell him what earthly use did 
it do ? Here he comes in with the horse most drove 
to death, and there you sit as cool and calm as a 
cucumber. Of all the useless things in this world 
give me a man. 

Joel. (Rises angrily and crosses to AbbyJ Now, 
Miss Abby, what in thunder is the use of my telling 
him not to use the colt if Sally is coming in here and 
telling him he can take him out whenever he's a 
mind to? (^Sally rises and motions to Joel. J 

Abby. (c.) She don't do anything of the kind. 
fTiM and Taggs come down r.) 

Joel, (r.) She does, too, now. 

Abby. Now, Joel Bartlett! I'd be ashamed — a 



THE COUNTY FAIR 79 

big man like you to try to lay it on that poor girl's 
shoulders. 

Joel. Well, Miss Abby, I 

Abby. She told you what I asked her to, didn't 
you, Sally? 

Sally. No, oh, it's all right. Miss Abby. (Sits 
down again L..2.E.) 

Abby. It's all right, if it's understood; if it 
ain't, I'll have it understood now. ("Tim runs off 
through c, but comes back when called.) Tim, come 
here. (Tim comes r. of Abby.J I'm sick and tired 
of this whole business. Every day of your life 
somebody tells you the same thing over and over 
again and what good does it do ; it goes right in one 
ear and right out the other ; hereafter you are never 
to look, meddle nor touch that horse again, no, as 
long as ever you live. Now do you understand 
that? 

Tim. Oh, Miss Abby, if you only knew 

Abby. I know you are killing the horse; what 
more do I want to know ? Just look at him ! (Turns 
to horse.) 

Tim. Well, look at him, what's the matter with 
him? 

Abby. Only a week ago he was as fat as a ball 
of butter. Look at him now, he's as thin as a rail, 

and, upon my word ('Tim goes up R. at back.) 

Joel, when I go by his stall he looks at me with 
tears in his eyes as though he hadn't a decent feed 
for I don't know when. As for the horse, Joel, I 
shall never drive him again if I live to be as old as 
Methusalem ! ("Taggs sits on bench r.) 

Joel. Why, Miss Abby? 

Abby. Last Sunday for the first time in quite a 
spell, I thought I'd go to church, it was such a beau- 
tiful quiet Sabbath morning and everything was so 
lovely, and he started off like a little lamb till the 



8o THE COUNTY FAIR 

deacon's horse drove up alongside, when he lit out 
like the wind. I was so totally unprepared that I 
went right over backwards, seat and all, but I held 
on to the reins and trusted to Providence. Thinks 
I, he will surely stop at the church, but he went by 
like a streak of lightning. There was the minister 
and the entire congregation seeing me make a regu- 
lar spectacle case of myself. (All quietly laughing.) 

Sally. It was too bad, Miss Abby. f Sally 
rises.) 

Abby. It was something wild and terrible. 

Sally. Then you know the horse does need some 
exercising, don't he? 

Abby. Yes, but I don't ! Don't you see that such 
treatment is kiUing the horse? Ain't it, Otis? 

Otis. (Rises and comes l. <?/ AbbyJ Why, yes 
— some horses is just like folks. (As Otis says: 
'Why, yes" Tim throws down stack of implements 
in R.u. corner of barn making crash to stop Otis.) 

Abby. Where were those things ? (Turns quickly 
to Tim.; 

Tim. Up there, ma'am. (Pointing up in loft. 
Joel goes up stage and helps Tim stack implements 
again.) 

Abby. Well, they ain't got no business there. 
Yes, Otis, that's just where I agree with you. Some 
horses are as everlasting moderate as you are. Others 
are drove to death the same as I am. For the last 
two hours and a half I have been in that kitchen 
drudging like a regular slave. I have been up and 
down those cellar stairs forty times in as many 
minutes. Made five loaves of bread, three loaves 
of cake, fried the doughnuts, made the cheese-cakes, 
made the sandwiches, got out the preserves, skimmed 
the cream off all those pans of milk. (Turns to 
Taggs, who is seated r.'J Get the water I asked for 
I don't know how many hours ago. Doing all this, 



THE COUNTY FAIR 8i 

thinking I was going to the fair, but I have changed 
my mind and we ain't going. ("Taggs runs off c. 
and round quickly through cow stall, r._, reaching 
there on cue ''we ain't going.") 

Taggs. Oh, ain't you going to the County Fair, 
oh say! (All show disappointment.) 

Abby. Will you go in that house and set that 
table or not? I declare you never can tell where 
that child is from one minute to t'other. ^Taggs 
runs off C.R.J 

Sally. (Comes to Abby and fondles her coaxing- 
ly) Miss Abby, it was too bad of us to leave you 
with all the work to do, I know, but now that you 
have made over my muslin frock so nice and you 
have got everything ready and we are all so anxious 
you must go to the Fair. Don't you think so, dear ? 

Abby. I shall not go to the Fair ! 

Joel. But you promised. 

Abby. I said if 

Joel. Darn if ! 

(During the foregoing dialogue Otis moves down 
L. slozvly and finally faces Abby, catching her 
eyes at cue : ''Darn if" and grinning sheepishly. 
Abby hesitates — Otis moves round uneasily 
with one foot, looking down and then up at 
Abby, finally Abby yields and turns up stage.) 

Abby. Well, now that I've got that piece of ham 
biled, I suppose I'll have to. 

Otis. I knowed we'd all get to go! (^Sally 
shakes Otis hy both hands.) 

Abby. But on one condition that Cold Molasses 
remains at home. Now, Joel Bartlett, will you see 
the first thing in the morning that that colt's turned 
out in the South Meadow? 

Joel. I will, Miss Abby, I'll see to it myself. 
fJoEL goes up c.r.J 



82 THE COUNT YFAIR 

Tim. (r.) If you haven't got a horse, how are 
you going to get there? 

Abby. Why, I'll borrow one. 

Tim. You can't — everybody is going to the fair. 

Abby. Land's sake ! I wouldn't ask you for one, 
if I did. 

Tim. Well, you wouldn't get it if you did. (Kicks 
basket over into stall, up stage.) 

Abby. Now you just go and get that basket. My 
lands, did you ever see such a temper as you've 
got? You've got a little devil in you as big as a 
wood-chuck. How on earth can it effect you whether 
I find a horse, or buy a horse, or borrow? Why, I 
can have your horse, can't I, Otis? (Tim goes and 
gets basket and throws it across stage into l.u. corner 
and goes up himself. Tim and Sally up c.) 

Otis. (Down l.) Why, yes. (^Tim starts to 
throw ear of corn at Otis, who dodges.) Well, the 

fact is — fact is — Miss Abby (Taking hat off 

and holding in hand. Tim and Sally both appealing 
in dumb show to Otis.J 

Abby. (c.) The fact is you'll get cold in your 
brain if you don't put that hat on. 

Sally. The fact is, Otis means his horse is so 
slow that we would never get there. 

Abby. Oh, that's it — ^is it ? 

Otis. Yes. 

Abby. Well, don't let that keep you awake nights, 
either one of you. I have had my fill of fast driving 
to last me till eternity. Well, come now, can I have 
the horse or not? 

Otis. Well, Miss Abby, I'd like to explain. 

Abby. No explanation is necessary. It's one 
word — can I have the horse, yes or no? 

Otis. Well, as far as I'm concerned. Miss Abby, 
you'll have to get another horse. ^Tim and Sally 
both coaxing Otis who turns and runs up stage as 



THE COUNTY FAIR 83 

he concludes speech; Sally and Tim hurrahing.) 
Taggs. (Enters c.R.j Supper's ready; tea's 

bilin' ! 

Otis. Well, I guess I'll go home. ("Otis exits 

C.R.J 

Sally. Miss Abby, won't you come and have a 
cup of tea? 

Abby. No, child. I don't want any tea. I have 
got such a headache — if I told the truth I'd say 
heartache. (Ejnt all but Abby, c.l. Abby crosses 
down R. and sits on bench, turns and sees Hammer- 
head. Enter Hammerhead from r.) My land, but 
couldn't I have been spared that? ("Abby going 
down R.) 

Solon. Evening, Miss Abby. Thinking how 
short a time you've got to call this place your own? 
(Sits down on bench L.j 

Abby. I was thinking how little there was in this 
world really worth living for. 

Solon. You might have lived for me if you'd a 
mind to. 

Abby. Then I'd been dead years ago. 

Solon. County Fair to-morrow, ten days' grace, 
then comes the vendue, or as some folks call it, 
auction. 

Abby. Ten days is all I ask, and when the time 
comes, I'll be able to meet it. 

Solon. How will you meet it? Will you pay the 
money or am I to take the farm? (Rises, crosses 
over to R., and puts one foot on basket, throwing 
corn piece by piece while talking.) 

Abby. None of your business. You've been nos- 
ing around this farm all summer trying to find out 
what I was going to do, but you shan't find out until 
I get good and ready to tell you. If I have the 
money you will get it. All I ask is just time enough 
to get my things off the farm. 



84 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Solon. What things? 

Abby. Everything. Why I wouldn't leave you as 
much as a hairpin to swear by. 

Solon. If you dare to move as much as a pin off 
this farm, I'll have you arrested. My mortgage 
covers everything except the clothes on your back. 

Abby. Everything ? 

Solon. Yes, everything. 

Abby. The horse, the cow and mother's things? 

Solon. Yes, the horse and the cow, your mother's 
things and all. When you leave this farm, you leave 
it a beggar, and thank Heaven there's a law in the 
land to protect me in my rights. (Rises and crosses 
to door during this speech. Exits R.2.E.J 

(Enter Sally, Otis, Taggs, Neighbors, c. from l.j 

Joel. Miss Abby ! Miss Abby ! Here comes all 
the folks ! Come on, folks, here's Miss Abby in the 
barn. 

(Enter all, some shaking hands with Abby and dis- 
tributing themselves around stage. Sally and 
Abby together down c.) 

Abby. (c.) And there's the baby. Oh, Sally, 
what shall I ever do to feed all these folks — they 
all look so hungry. 

Sally. ("c.r.J Don't you fret! They brought 
everything they need in baskets and they are laying 
the cloth now under the trees in the orchard. 

Abby. Thank Heaven, for I was in no condition 
to feed this multitude with loaves and fishes. ("Abby 
and Sally sit on bench r.J 

Joel. Well, folks, there's the corn ; pitch in with 
the husking ! Say, boys, give us a song. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 85 

(Songs by Quartette.) 

Taggs. Why, Miss Abby, youVe got a red ear ! 
Abby. So it is, why don't Otis look! (Throws 
Otis red ear.) 
Joel. Say, let's have a dance. 
Abby. They don't all believe in dancing. 
Joel. Yes, you do, don't you folks? 

(All shout "Yes" in response.) 

(Dance Virginia Reel.) 

(At end of reel Abby falls on stage sitting down, 
Otis runs to help her up, lifts her partly and 
lets her fall again — is pushed out of way by 
Joel and Joel lifts Abby up.) 

HORN 

Joel. Here's the supper-horn — come on, folks, 
and get some supper. 

(All exit except Abby. Abby sits on chair centre 
stage which has been left there as people exit.) 

Abby. This has been such a happy little home. 
It don't seem possible that now I am going to lose 
it. I am so alone, and not a soul seems to care. 
(Crying — looks over at horse.) And you — they are 
even going to take you away from me. (Horse 
walks out of stall and over to Abby and rubs muzzle 
on Abby's cheek.) Bless his heart. He'd help me 
if he only could. I know he would. 

CURTAIN 



ACT IV 

Scene : The County Fair Grounds. 

(As curtain rises, enter Abby, Otis_, Sally, Taggs, 
in wagon, Tim driving Cold Molasses, laugh 
from all as wagon drives on, at rise of curtain. 
Sally jumps out first, Taggs slips off tail end 
of wagon. Otis gets out and as Abby steps out, 
Otis catches her foot; she draws hack. Otis 
lifts her out.) 

(P. S. At opening of Act Parker discovered sur- 
rounded by crozvd, the horses pass from l. to 
R. Molasses last. Parker stops Tim with 
Cold MolassesJ 

Parker, (l. On box) Hold on here; you're 
not going in there with that horse. That place is 
reserved for the three year olds in that race. 

Tim. Pard, you've got the wrong pig by the ear — 
this horse is entered for that very race. 

Parker. Whoever told you that that skate could 
run? 

Tim. No one told me he could run, but down our 
way we consider him some pumpkins. Go on, Cold 
Molasses! (Tim drives off L.2.E.J 

Parker. Yes, well keep on thinking so down your 
way, till after the race. Here comes a couple of 
rubes. (Pointing to Abby and Otis. Abby and 
Otis come down.) 

Otis. Miss Abby, I'm going to give you a good 
time to-day if it costs half a dollar. 

86 



THE COUNTY FAIR 87 

Abby. (c.) How noble! Now, Otis, don't be 
extravagant. All my heart really hankers after is 
some peanuts. 

Otis. I will buy you a nickel's worth, and then 
we'll go and see that prize heifer. (Goes r., to 
Sally.j 

CJoEL enters L.2.E.J 

Abby. (c.) Why, Joel Bartlett, you kept us 
waiting for over two hours this morning; thought 
sure something had happened to you. Why didn't 
you come over and drive with us? 

Joel, (-l.) 'Cause I didn't want to. 

Abby. Why, Joel? 

Joel. Well, Miss Abby, you see as how I thought 
you'd be crowded in your wagon, and as there was 
plenty of room in father's I came up with him. It 
don't make any difference, does it, now that I have 
got here? 

Abby. No, it don't make any difference, only I 
know Sally was just dying for you to come over and 
come up with us. 

Joel. Don't be too sure of that, Miss Abby. It's 
all up between Sally and me now. 

Abby. Why, Joel Bartlett, what do you mean? 

Joel. Well, Miss Abby, if you had any eyes in 
your head you could see that Sally has other fish to 
fry. She is always carrying on that way with Otis. 
f Joel calls Abby's attention to Otis and Sally in 
R.i.E. who is trying to coax and persuade Otis to 
go to Abby. Joel then disappears in crowd.) 

Abby. (c.) Other fish to fry ! Why, Joel Bart- 
lett, what do you mean? Where is he? 

Sally, (r.) Go tell her, Otis, she will be tickled 
most to death ; I know she will ; go and speak to her. 



88 THE COUNTY FAIR 

you dear old stupid. If I could do it for you, I 
would. I've no patience with you. 

Abby. Why, what's the matter with you two? 
Everybody's looking at you ! Can't you behave when 
you're dressed up? 

Otis. (Crosses a little toward Miss Abby, c.r.J 
I was thinking if you have no objection we would 
get married. 

Abby. Get married? 

Otis. I've been thinking of it for quite a spell. 

Abby. What ? You two ? 

Otis. Yes'm. 

Abby. And I like a big fool never saw it. That's 
just what Joel meant. Certainly I have no objec- 
tions. 

Otis. (Shakes hands with Sally who shoves him 
again toward AbbyJ She ain't got no objections, 
Sally. Well, I guess I'll run over to the court house 
and get the marriage license. 

Abby. Why, what an everlasting hurry you're 
both in, but you can't settle the matter too quick for 
me. 

Otis. For me nuther ! (Exit R.2.E.J 

Sally. (Crosses to AbbyJ Miss Abby, I'm so 
glad he spoke to you. He did so hate to do it. 

Abby. fc.L.J I don't wonder at it. 

Sally, (c.r.) I hope you encouraged him a 
little? 

Abby. I think you encouraged him all that was 
necessary. 

Sally. (Putting arms around Abby and kissing 
her, then Sally goes up and mingles zvith crowd) 
Oh, Miss Abby, it has made me so happy ! 

Abby. I think likely it has, but how in thunder 
has it left me ? There's no fool like an old fool, and 
what a fool I've been! (Tim runs on L.2.E., hack- 
wards, leading horse and collides with Abby, who 



•=^.>-^., 




i^t-j Page 89 



THE COUNTY FAIR 89 

turns and recognises him in great surprise.) Why, 
Tim, is that you? 

Tim. Yes, ma'am. 

Abby. Well, why didn't you say so ? You might 
as well scare a body as to frighten them to death. 
What are you doing dressed up in those clothes? 
Did you fall in the water? 

Tim. Oh, one of the jockeys lent me these clothes. 

Abby. Oh, take them off, Tim. They will think 
you belong to those horsemen. Oh, you forgot some- 
thing. 

Tim. (l.) What? 

Abby. (Tries to hide Tim's legs with her skirts) 
Why, your pants. 

Tim. No, Miss Abby, these are pants. 

Abby. And for the land's sake, what are you 
doing with the colt up here ? Why didn't you leave 
him under the shed in the shade? 

Tim. Well, you see, ma'am, there was some sus- 
picious characters down there and I was afraid to 
leave him alone. 

Abby. That's right, Tim, my boy; I have had a 
presentiment all along that something dreadful was 
going to happen to that horse. I don't know why 
it is, but I have just felt that way. Hitch him up 
and we'll go home. 

Tim. Oh, Miss Abby, please don't go home. 

Abby. Why not? It don't make a bit of differ- 
ence to you. You can come home in one of the 
neighbor's wagons. 

Tim. Oh, please stay. Miss Abby, just for half an 
hour. Nothing will happen to the horse. 

Abby. Oh, well then, I'll stay for half an hour, 
but promise me one thing, Tim, that is, that you 
won't leave the horse? 

Tim. Don't be afraid. Miss Abby, I won't leave 
him for a minute. ("Sally comes down l. of Abby.J 



90 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Abby. Dear boy; he's never satisfied unless he's 
carding and manicuring that horse. (^Abby and 
Sally up c.) 

Tim. (Leading horse, crosses to r. and putting 
arms around neck) Now, old boy, it all depends on 
you. Go in and win if you love me, if you love 
sister Sally and Miss Abby, go in and win and God 
bless you, old fellow. (Leads horse off r.2.e. and 
comes back.) 

Parker, (c.i..) Say, what are you kissing that 
horse for? ('Abby and Sally up a little c.) 

Tim. (c.r.) I ain't kissing him. Why, hello. 
Bill Parker, don't you remember me? 

Parker. No, I don't ; who are you ? 

Tim. I'm little Tim; you know Tim Tanner? I 
used to ride for the Crosby stable. 

Parker. Why, yes ; glad to see you, Tim. What 
are you doing up here ? 

Tim. Oh, I'm working on a farm. I say, Bill, 
there's a little friend of yours up here. 

Parker. Who's that? 

Tim. Why, Taggs. 

Parker. Taggs — why, what Taggs? 

Tim. Why, don't you remember Taggs that used 
to sell shoestrings in Park Row. 

Parker. Oh, you mean old Mother Morton's 
kid? 

Abby. Mother Morton's what? 

Parker. Why we are just talking about a child 
that Mother Morton brought up. 

Tim. Taggs. 

Abby. (Giving Bill Parker a push) Why Tim, 
did Taggs bring Mother Morton up ? Our Taggs ? 

Tim. No, Mother Morton brought Taggs up. 

Abby. Well, that's what I said. ^(Calling Sally. J 
Sally, Sally ! I've found my sister Mercy's baby. 

Sally. Where's the baby? 



THE COUNTY FAIR 91 

Abby. (To Tim) Where's the baby? 

Tim. What baby? 

Abby. Oh, she's not a baby now. She can't 
always be a baby (To TiMJ Where's Taggs? 

Tim. I don't know. 

Abby. (To Sally J Where's Taggs? 

Sally. I don't know. I haven't seen her since 
we left home. 

Abby. (To JoelJ Where's Taggs? 

Joel. I don't know, Miss Abby. If she's lost 
here you will never find her. 

Otis. (Enter i.r.e. with marriage license in hand) 
Here's the marriage license, Miss Abby. 

Abby. (Taking paper from Otis and tearing up 
same) Have you seen Taggs? 

Otis. No, I haven't seen her anywhere. 

Abby. Oh, I'll never find that child. I'm to blame 
for not looking after her more closely. 

Otis. Hold on! Why, you're tearing up the 
marriage license! 

Abby. Well, I don't care, now that you and 
Sally are to marry. 

Joel. Otis marry Sally? 

Sally. Why, what are you talking about? 

Abby. (To Otis^ Ain't you going to marry 
Sally? 

Otis. Well, what in thunder do you suppose I 
have been courting you for fourteen years for? 

Sally. Oh, Joel. fJoEL embraces Sally.) 

Abby. Otis, what I'd like to know is, and what 
I've been trying to find out all these years is, are we 
going to get married or not ? 

Otis. I dunno. Now you've gone torn up the 
marriage license, what the thunder am I to do? 

Abby. Go and get another one, you darned old 
fool. (Exit Otis r.i.e., running.) 



92 THE COUNTY FAIR 

Joel. Oh, Otis! Make it two while you are 
about it. 

Abby. Two? Is he going to have two wives? 

Joel. No. It's for Sally and me. 

Sally. Oh, Miss Abby. I am so happy. 

Abby. You'd be more so if you had seen the 
little fellow I have. 

Sally. Who is it — Brother Tom ? 

Abby. I won't keep your secret any longer, Tim. 

Tim. Oh, Sally, and you didn't know your own 
brother. 

Sally. (Embracing Tim j Oh, Tom ! 

(Exit Tim r.i.e.J 

Taggs. Miss Abby. There's a man up there stole 
all my peanuts. 

(Exit Abby^ holding Taggs by hand, L.2.E. All exit 
as lights go out.) 

Scene: THE RACE. All enter when lights go on. 

GONG RINGING 

(When race takes place off stage the following dia- 
logue is to be used.) 

Parker. Hey, rubes! You want to hurry if 
you're going to see the race. 

General Adlib. All exit. Dark colored drop. 
Full flood spot light. Groups are watching race fac- 
ing off stage left. 

Joel. See, they're lined up at the post. 
Abby. What are they doing that for? 
Taggs. That's where they start from. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 93 

(ONE LOUD GONG. All hut Abby shout— 
THEY'RE OFF,) 

Abby. Off what? 

Otis. See the critters go. 

Joel. Looks Hke Silver Spot was in the lead. 

Sally. Oh, Joel ! 

Taggs. Oh gee, Aunt Abby ! 

Abby. Land sakes ! Is that child swearing again ? 
(Grabbing Taggs by the arm.) 

Taggs. But this is a race, Miss Abby ! 

Abby. A swearing race? Then I'm going home. 
(Starts to go but is pulled back by Sally and 
Taggs.J 

Otis. Better not. There's a friend of yours in 
the race. 

Abby. They're no friends of mine. 

Sally. Look ! Look ! Look ! 

Joel. Tim's stealing up on Silver Spot, inch by 
inch. 

Abby. That boy don't steal. 

Otis. Great Gimpson-weed ! if he's not going to 
beat time. 

Parker. That goat don't stand a chance. 

Joel. Come on ! Come on ! 

Sally. He's gaining, Joel! 

Taggs. Go on, Cold Molasses ! 

Abby. Cold Molasses! (Swoons, is caught by 
Otis, who holds her up and still watches race.) 

Joel. If he can only keep it up. 

Otis. Better had, or we'll all walk to hum. 

Joel. Tim's letting him out at last ! 

Parker. They're coming down the stretch neck 
and neck! 

(All cheer and general hub-bub from entire crowd 
for finish.) 

Otis. Too exciting for me. I can't watch the 



94 THE COUNTY FAIR 

finish ! (Turns back on race and digs fists in eyes. 
Joel, Sally, Taggs, cheering for TiM.j 

Joel. He's ahead! He's ahead! 

Otis. Can't be ! 

Parker. Can't be? Why, you're fool horse has 
won ! (Dashes cigar down on stage.) 

Everybody. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! 

(Enter Abby and Taggs.^ 

Abby. Oh, Joel, Joel, why did you let that horse 
do that ? He's most run to death. Why didn't you 
stop him? 

Joel. Stop him, Miss Abby? How could I stop 
him? 

Parker. What are you making all this fuss about ? 
Your horse won the first prize. 

Abby. Take your old medal. I wouldn't have had 
that horse run like that for a barrel of medals. 

Parker. Who's talking about medals ? He's won 
the first prize, which is three thousand dollars and 
he had a walkover. 

Abby. Three thousand dollars. 

Parker. Yes, three thousand dollars ! And here 
he comes across the paddock now. Three cheers for 
Cold Molasses ! 

Everybody. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!!! 

(Enter Tim on Cold Molasses, as crowd cheers — 
takes centre of stage. Abby shakes hands with 
Tim and embraces horse.) 

Abby. And he's saved our little home after all, 
bless his heart. And he tried so many times to tell 
me he'd do it, and I couldn't understand him. 

(Enter Otis.^ 



THE COUNTY FAIR 



95 



Otis. Miss Abby, here's the marriage license. 
(Horse grabs same and eats it. Abby and Otis 
kneel in supplication with up-stretched hands to 
horse on either side of horse.) 



CURTAIN 



PROPERTY LIST 

ACT L— Interior 

One-half dozen kitchen knives and forks. 3 
kitchen tables. Small, good organ and stool. Old 
fashioned hair cloth sofa. Fire log. Fenders. Good 
broom. Lamp, with paper shade. 3 vegetable dishes 
and covers. 6 plates, 2 cups and 2 saucers. Sugar 
bowl. Milk pitcher. 2 old fashioned arm rocking- 
chairs. I old bureau with mirror. 4 plain kitchen 
chairs, i old fashioned clock. Armful of cord- 
wood. 2 small vases with flowers. One white and 
I red table cloth, i large dishpan. 

ACT II— Exterior 

Grass mats (plenty). Wooden bucket. 3 small 
stones. Rustic and wooden benches. Sawed and 
split wood. Old saw buck. Saw. Axe. Large 
wash-tub. Garden picket fence, i garden rake. 

ACT III 

Three bags filled with hay. i with sawdust. 2 
pitchforks. 2 old hoes. 2 wooden rakes, i wooden 
bench. 6 soap boxes. Jig sand. Rosin board. Old 
harness or saddle, i egg crate, to be broken. 

ACT IV 

Clear stage. 

96 



THE COUNTY FAIR 97 

LIST OF PROPERTIES 

Kitchen table and wooden knocker on outside of 

oven door. 
Sleigh bells ring at cue; "and went to the devil on 

horseback," and again at "here comes Miss 

Abby now." 
Chair near door. 

Old fashioned bureau with mirror. 
Bible and small Testament on bureau, also white 

apron and back hair comb for Miss Abby. 
Kitchen table covered by a red table cloth. 
Work basket containing keys for oven, pieces of 

patchwork; stocking with darning needle. 
Also song book for Miss Abby and plate of dough- 
nuts and lamp with paper shade. 
Old fashioned rockers each side of table with old 

fashioned tidies. 
Tidies on all chairs except the kitchen chairs. 
Piece of rag carpet in front of oven door with 

corner crumpled up. 
Large carpet rug on floor. 

PERSONAL PROPS 

ACT I 

Otis — Wire nail for suspenders. Bells, nails, etc., 
for back pocket of coat. Watch, letter, whip 
and mittens. 

Taggs — Tin box with buttons, needles, etc. Pieces 
of patchwork. Short night gown and letter all 
in a hand bag. 

Joel — Letter. 



98 THE COUNTY FAIR 

ACT II 

Grass mats. 

Dried leaves covering yard. 

Rustic bench, large sized washtub and tin horn, 

right. 
Plow, sawbuck, wood. Grind stone and small bench 

spread near back of scene. 
2 cobble stones near centre. 
Ladder with Miss Abby's bonnet standing against 

house. 
Pillow on doorstep. 
Pail for Taggs left back of scene 
Cup of flour with Taggs workbox containing Otis' 

watch inside of door. 
Pie for Taggs. 

2 bunches of violets for Taggs. 
Gaudy hat for Otis. 
Handcuffs for Hammerhead. 
Organ just ofif of scene to be played when Taggs 

goes on with violets and stop as she comes off. 

ACT III 

RIGHT 
Wooden bench. 
Basket with fodder for cow. 
5 soap boxes painted brown, scattered. 
Pile of corn with husks, basket on top of pile. 
Some heavy stakes and irons with chain wound 
round them in corner. 

LEFT 

Stall for horse inside of door. 
2 wooden rakes stuck in hay. 
Soap box and fake bags against side. 
Pile of corn husks. 



THE COUNTY FAIR 99 

Chair in corner. 

Barrels, fake bags, etc. 

Grass mats back of barn. 

Red ear of corn for Miss Abby. 

4 bushel baskets for corn buskers. 

Supper horn back of barn. 

ACT IV 

Soap box for Bill Parker center of fair scene. 



SCENE PLOT 

ACT I 

Plain chamber or kitchen in 3. Boxed fireplace. 
Rt. 2nd entrance. Set door Rt. 3d entrance. Prac- 
tical door in flat. Right window in flat. Left door, 
left 3d entrance. Kitchen door, left 2d entrance. 
Doors back by interiors. Fancy borders. 

ACT II 

Set house or cottage, Left 2nd entrance. Door 
backed by Interior. Picket fence in 3. Wood wings 
Right and left in 2-3-4. Wood borders. Landscape 
drop in 4. 

ACT III 

Scene I — Barn Drop in 1-2-3. Landscape Drop in 

4. 
Scene II — House Street Drop i. 
Scene III — Barn in 3. Landscape in 4. 

ACT IV 

Scene I — Picture Sheet in i. 
Scene II — County Fair Drop in 3. 
Scene III— Picture Sheet in i. 
Scene IV — County Fair Drop in 3. 
100 




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The Return ot Hi Jinks 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short, author of "The Varsity 
€o»ch/' "The Touch-Down," etc. 6 males, 8 females. Costumes 
modem. One interior scene. 

This comedy is feunded upon and elaborated from a fafce comedy 
ill two acts v/iritteB by J. H. Horta, and originally produced at Tuft's 
College. 

Hiram Poynter Jinks, a Junior in Hoosic College (Willie Collier 
type), and a young moving picture actress (Mary Pickford type), are 
the leading characters in this lively, modern farce. 

Thomas Hodge, a Senior, envious of the popularity of Jinks, wishes 
to think up a scheme to throw ridicule upon him during a visit of 
the Hoosic Glee Club to Jinks's home town. Jinks has obligingly acted 
as a one-day substitute in a moving picture play, in which there is a 
fire scene, and this gives Hodge his cue. He sends what seems to 
be a bona fide account of Jink's heroism at a Hoosic fire to Jink's 
florae paper. Instead of repudiating his laurels as expected, Jinka 
decides to take a flyer in fame, confirms the fake story, confesses to 
being a hero and is adoredi by all the girls, to the chagrin and dis- 
cemfiture of Hodge. Of course, the truth comes out at last, but 
Jinks is not hurt thereby, and his romance with Mimi Mayflower 
comes to a successful termination. 

This is a great comedy for amateurs. It is full of funny situations 
and is sure to pUase« Price, 30 Cents. 



June 



A most successful comedy.drama in four acts, by Marie Doran, 
author of "The New Co-Ed," "Tempest and Sunshine," "Dorothy's 
Neighbors," etc. 4 males, 8 females. One interior scene. Costumes 
modem. Plays 254 hours. 

This play has a very interesting group of young people. June is 
an appealing little figure, an orphan living with her aunt. There are 
a number of delightful, life-like characters: the sorely tried likeable 
Mrs. Hopkins, the amusing, haughty Miss Banks of the glove depart- 
ment, the lively Tilly and Milly, who work in the store, and ambitious 
Snoozer: Mrs. Hopkins's only son, who aspires to be President of the 
United States, but finds his real sphere is running the local trolley 
car. The play is sin^)licity itself in the telling of an every-day story, 
and the scenic requirements call for only one set, a room in the 
boarding house of Mrs. Hopkins, while an opportunity is afforded to 
introduce any number of extra characters. Musical numbers may be 
introduced, if desired. Price, 30 Cents. 

Tempest and Sunshine 

A comedy drama in four acts, by Marie Doran. 5 males aad 3 
females. One exterior and three interior scenes. Plays about 2 houra; 

Every school girl has revelled in the sweet simplicity and gentle- 
ness of the characters interwoven in the charms that Mary J. Holmes 
commands in her story of "Tempest and Sunshine." We can strongly 
recommend this play as one of the best plays for high school pro^ 
duction published in recent years. Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

Mew and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free en Request 



The Touch-Down 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short. 8 males, 6 females, but 
any number of characters can be introduced in the ensembles. Cos- 
tumes modern. One interior scene throughout the play. Time, 2}4 
hours. 

This play, written for the use of clever amateurs, is the story of 
life in Siddell, a Pennsylvania co-educational college. It deals with 
the vicissitudes and final triumph of the Siddell Football Eleven, and 
the humorous and dramatic incidents connected therewith. 

"The Touch-Down" has the true varsity atmosphere, college songs 
are sung, and the piece is lively and entertaining throughout. Higb 
schools will make no mistake in producing this play. We strongly 
recommend it as a high-class and well-written comedy. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry 

A comedy in three acts, by LeRoy Arnold. 5 males, 4 females*. 
One interior scene. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

The story is based on the will of an eccentric aunt. It stipulates 
that her pretty niece must be affianced before she is twenty-one, and 
married to her fiance within a year, if she is to g'et her spinster 
relative's million. Father has nice notions of- honor and fails to tell 
daughter about the will, so that she maj' make her choice untram- 
meled by any other consideration than that of true love. The action 
all takes place in the evening the midnight of which will see her 
reach twenty-one. Time is therefore short, and it is hurry, hurry, 
hurry, if she is to become engaged and thus save her father from 
impending bankruptcy. 

The situations are intrinsically funny and the dialogue is sprightly. 
The characters are natural and unaffected and the action moves with 
a snap such as should be expected from its title. Price, 30 Cent* 

The Varsity Coach 

A three-act play of college life, by Marion Short, specially adapted 
to performance by amateurs or high school students. 5 males 6 
females, but any number of boys and girls may be introduced in the 
action of the play. Two settings necessary, a college boy's room and 
the university campus. Time, about 2 hours. 

Like many another college boy, "Bob" Selby, an all-round popular 
college man, becomes possessed of the idea that athletic prowess is 
more to be desired than scholarship. He is surprised in the midst «f 
a "spread" in his room in Regatta week by a visit from his aunt 
who is putting him through college. Aunt Serena, "a lady of the eld 
school and, the dearest little woman in the whole worl4/" has hastened 
to make this visit to her adored nephew under the mistaken impression 
that he is about to receive the Fellowes prize for scholarship. Her 
grief and chagrin when she learns that instead of the prize Robert 
has received "a pink card," which is equivalent to suspension for poor 
scholarship, gives a touch of pathos to an otherwise jolly comedy of 
college life. How the repentant Robert more than redeems himself, 
carries oflf honors at the last, and in the end wins Ruth, the faithful 
little sweetheart of the "Prom" and the classroom, makes a story of 
dramatic interest and brings out very clearly certain phases of modern 
college life. There are several opportunities for the introduction of 
college songs and "stunts." Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street. New York City 

Mew and Exsiicit Descriptivs Cataloeut Mailed Frae on Rcauast 



JUST PUBLISHED 

Nothing But the Truth 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts 

By 

James Montgomery 

Cast of Characters 

Bob Bennett 

B. M. Ralston 

Clarence Van DusCB 

Bishop Doran 

Dick Donnelly 

Gwen 

Mrs. Ralston 

Ethel 

Mable 

Sable 

Martha 

SCENES 

ACT 1. A Broker's Office 

ACT 2. Parlor of a Country Home 

ACT 3. " " " " 

TIME: The Present 

"Nothing But the Truth" is built upon the simple idea 
of its hero speaking nothing but the absolute truth for a 
stated period. He bets a friend ten thousand dollars 
that he can do it, and boldly tackles truth to win the 
money. For a very short time the task is placidly easy* 
but Truth routs out old man Trouble and then things be- 
gin to happen. Trouble doesn't seem very large and 
aggressive when he first pokes his nose into the noble 
resolve of our hero, but he grows rapidly and soon we 
see our dealer in truth disrupting the domestic relations 
of his partner. In fact. Trouble works overtime, and 
reputations that have been unblemished are smirched. 
Situations that are absurd and complications almost 
knotted, pile up, all credited to Truth, and the result of 
the wager to foster and cherish that great virtue from 
the lips of the man who has espoused the cause of truth 
to win a wager. 

It is a novel idea and so well has it been worked out 
that an audience is kept in throes of laughter at the 
seemingly impossible task to untangle snarls into which 
our hero has involved all those he comes into contact 
With. It is a clean bright farce of well drawn characterji 
and was built for laughing purposes only. 

William Collier played "Nothing But the Truth" for a 
year at the Longacre Theatre, New York, and it has been 
on tour for over two seasons. 

After three years continuous success on the profess- 
ional stage we are now offering "Nothing But the Truth" 
for amateur production. It is one of the funniest and 
brightest farces ever written, and it is admirably suited 
to amateur production. 

Peice 6o Cents 



JUST PUBOSHEIh ' 

II HL I LL I . ' ■ mU I TOJU li m II I IKIi l JJLIJ I IIJW 

CHRISTOPHER JUNIOR 

A Comedy in 4 Acts. By Madeleine Lucette Ryley. Modem co» 
ftime. Time, 2^ hom-s. Three interior scenes; 8 males, 4 femalea 
Dhristopher Jedbnry, Jr., having accidentally placed himself in an 
iinfortmiate position with a lady in the West Indies, is forced to 
marry her without seeing her. He returns to England. His fathei 
finds out about the marriage, quarrels with him, and turns him out, 
Jedbury, Jr., goes to India as a clerk in his father's oflBce, ther« 
^scovers defalcations by the manager, and falls in love with Bora 
Pedway. He is reconciled to his father, and Dora turns out to hi 
kbs wife. Highly recommended for amateurs. 

Price, 60 Cents. 



MICE AND MEN 

' A Romantic Comedy, Four Acts. By Madeleine Lucette Ryl©|,, 
Costume about 1786. Time, 2 hours, 30 minutes. Three interior^, 
one exterior scene; 7 males, 5 females. Mark Embury, a man of ovei 
forty, is of opinion that the perfect wife must be educated from a 
state of ignorance and simplicity to the ideal of the man she is about 
to marry. He accordingly proceeds to impart his views to a girj 
fresh from the Foundling. His young nephew comes on the scene, 
and Embury realizes that nature intended the young to mate with 
the yoimg. This beautiful costume comedy can be played by alj 
females, and is highly recommended for use by girls' schools and 
colleges. This play was originally produced by Mr. Charles Froh* 
man with Miss Annie RusseU in the leading role. 

Price, 60 Cents. 



SNUG LITTLE KINGDOM 

A Comedy in 3 Acts. By Mark Ambient. Modem costume, 
Time, 2 J hours. One interior scene throughout; 3 males, 4 females, 
Bernard Gray, a composer of music, lives in a garret in Soho. UndeJ 
his charge is a young girl in the ballet, whose mother had died when 
she was young. Hubert Gray, the brother of Bernard, rescues a 
wealthy old gentleman from an accident, the latter 6Veii(Ua% tunv 
In^ out to be the girl's father, 

^^y Price, 60 Ceniftr 



THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY. 

The famous comedy in three acts, by Anne Warner. 7 males, 6 
females. Three interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

This is a genuinely fuony comedy with splendid parts for "Aunt Mary," 
"Jack," her lively nephew; "Lucinda," a New England ancient maid of all work; 
"Jack's" three chums; the Girl "Jack" loves; "Joshua," Aunt Mary's hired 
man, etc. 

"Aunt Mary" was played by May Robson in New York and on tour for over 
two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever produced. We strongly 
recommend it. Price, €0 Cents. 

MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A pleasing comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
"The Tailor-Made Man." 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. Cos- 
tui^es modern. Plays 2% hours, 

Mr. Smith chose fot< his initial comedy the complications arising from the 
endeavors of a social climber to land herself in the altitude peopled by hyphenated 
names—a theme permitting innumerable complications, according to the spirit of 
the writer. 

This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. Fiske 
with enormous success. Price, €0 Cents. 

MRS. TEMPLE'S TELEGRAM. 

A most successful farce in three acts, by Frank Wyatt and William 
Morris. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene stands throughout the 
three acts. Costumes modern. Plays 2^ hours. 

"Mrs. Temple's Telegram'* is a sprightly farce in which there is an abund- 
ance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any element of oflFence. As 
noticed by Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we 
practice to deceive!" 

Theve is not a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time the curtain 
rises until it makes the final drop the fun is fast and furious. A very exceptional 
farce. Price, 60 Cents. 

THE NEW CO-ED. 

A comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "Tempest and 
Sunshine," etc. Characters^ 4 males, 7 females, though any number of 
boys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play. One interior 
and one exterior scene, but can be easily played in one interior scene. 
Costumes modern. Time, about 2 hours. 

The theme of this play is the coming of a new student to the college, her 
reception by the scholars, her trials and final triumph. 

There are three especially good girls' parts, Letty, Madge and Estelle, but 
the others have plenty to do. "Punch" Doolittle and George Washington Watts, 
a gentleman of color, are two particularly good comedy characters. We can 
strongly recommend "The New Co-Ed" to high schools and amateurs. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Arc Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

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/Vm. C. de MiUe 


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Rida Johnson Young 


Laurence Housman 


Arthur Law 


Harry James Smith 


Rachel Crothers 


Edgar Selwyn 


Martha Morton 


Augustin McHugh 


H. A. Du Souchet 


Robert Housum 


W. W. Jacobs 


Charles Kenyon 


Madeleme Lucette Ryley 


C. M. S. McLellan 


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